I’ve never wanted anything the way I want him right now. But I can’t forget the pain of the rejection. It flares to life even now, a break in the bond between us.
So I lie here in the dark, my body burning, praying for the strength to resist what feels increasingly inevitable.
The strength to turn away from Kieran McCade.
Chapter 18
Kieran
Morning comes too soon after a sleepless night spent breathing in Aurora’s scent. Every inhale of lilac and honey makes my wolf restless, pacing beneath my skin. He wants what I won’t let us have—and he doesn’t understand why I keep denying him. I’m starting to forget why, too.
All my problems feel so far away when she’s sleeping right next to me.
We explore the other side of the ruins this time, and find ourselves in an old stone building that appears to have been a courthouse. The basement reveals itself as the sun rises, casting light on a staircase down into the ground, the foundation around it intact even as the rest of the building crumbles. Together we turn on our emergency lanterns and head down into the darkness, the bobbing lights revealing symbols etched into the walls of a chamber that must’ve once held all the pack’s most valuable artifacts and relics.
Aurora’s fingers trace the symbols reverently, her lips part. Her touch is delicate and careful, her gaze in awe. I imagine those fingers on my skin, that wondrous gaze looking up at me, and have to bite back a growl.
“There’s a door here,” she says, studying a break in the wall. “If we can figure out how to open it…”
I step closer, letting my sense of smell take over. Beneath the musty smell of age and decay, and the rot of disuse, there’s something else: primal, ancient magic.
“Here.” I reach past her to press a carved symbol that smells different than the others, and has been worn at the edges from years of touch. My chest brushes her back, and the contact sends fire through my veins. The bond flares painfully as my wolf howls for his mate.
The wall shifts, revealing a narrow passage. We have to go single file, and in the tight space, her scent surrounds me completely. I could bathe in it. With every step forward I take, some part of me brushes against her: chest to shoulder, thigh to ass. It’s a unique kind of torture, having her so close but still untouchable.
Eventually the passage opens into a circular chamber, lit dimly by cracks in the ceiling. Ancient texts line the walls, and a stone altar dominates the center of the room. But I can barely focus on our surroundings because Aurora is right there, her eyes bright with joy, her lips parted in wonder.
My wolf claws at my tenuous control as she moves around the chamber. He’s tired of my resistance, angry at me for denying him what we both need. The bond between us pulses with every beat of my heart, a constant reminder of what I threw away. I can barely hear, can barely see or think or breathe, it’s so overwhelming.
“Kieran?” Aurora’s voice pulls me out of it. She’s looking at me with concern, standing so close that I can see flecks of gold in her amber eye, and yellow in the blue one. “Are you alright? You seem… off somehow.”
“I can’t—” The words catch in my throat as another wave of pain hits me from the rejected bond. My wolf is relentless,pushing against my skin, demanding that we claim our mate. “It hurts sometimes. Being this close to you, it… the bond…”
Understanding dawns in her eyes, followed quickly by shock. “You feel it too? The pain.”
“Every day.” The words are roughened by pain. “Every moment of the past five years since I rejected our bond. My wolf, he…” It’s a struggle to drag in air. “He never forgave me, and he’s never stopped wanting you.”
Aurora takes a step closer, wonder and doubt in her eyes. “I thought I was the only one suffering, that you didn’t feel anything at all.”
“I feel everything.” Like a dam breaking, the words come out all at once, now that I’ve told her the truth. “The bond is like a knife in my chest. Being near you somehow makes it better and so, so much worse at the same time. My wolf he wants—” I cut myself off with a wince.
“What does he want?” Her voice is soft with awe. “Kieran, what does he want?”
“You. Always you.”
The air between us crackles with tension. She’s close enough to touch now, to take into my arms. I can see the pulse of her heartbeat flutter in her throat. My wolf surges to the front again, desperate to claim what’s ours, to sink his teeth into her skin and mate with her.
But the weight of our past hangs between us still. I hurt her, more than I can even understand, I’m sure. I made her think that she isn’t enough—and the truth is, I can’t even say enough has changed now. How can I possibly ask for a second chance, knowing that I can’t give her forever?
“Aurora, I?—”
She shakes her head, cutting me off and taking a huge step back. “Don’t offer me hope. Please, Kieran.” Her voice trembleswith unshed tears. “I can’t… I can’t do this again. I can’t believe that things might change.”
The pain in her eyes mirrors the ache in my chest. We stand there facing each other in the dim chamber, want and longing between us, the fear too big to move past. The bond is there, a constant reminder of what could have been—what might still be, if we were brave enough, and if things were different.
But neither of us moves. Neither of us gives into it. The moment stretches, full of possibility, until finally Aurora turns away.
My wolf howls his anguish, but I force him down. This is the price of my choices, my mistakes. This is what I have to live with. No matter how much it hurts, it’s for the best.
