Chapter 1
Aurora
“No, get off me!”
I scream and scream, throwing my weight around, trying to dislodge their grasping hands, but it’s useless. The ropes tying my arms and legs together are tight enough to cut off circulation.
“Please, I’m begging you—don’t do this to me!”
I try to stay on my feet, but the intensity of the storm throws me to the ground. My knees connect first, and I whimper in pain. It’s too dark for me to see much of the stony rock cliff they’ve dragged me to, but even my weak shifter senses know that the water below the cliff’s edge is too far away to be gentle.
“Please…”
All I see around me are hard faces and steely eyes. The shifters who brought me here, tied me up and pushed me to the edge, aren’t in the mood for mercy. One particular ice-blue gaze catches my attention, the lack of emotion in those depths like a dagger through the heart.
Kieran. My mate. My protector, once upon a time.
“Stop.” His voice is deep and commanding, rougher than it was when we grew up side-by-side. Shouldering through the crowd, he motions for those holding me to let go. “Not like this.”
Panting, I push up to my knees, wincing as my raw skin hits the rough ground. My shifter healing isn’t as fast as the others—no doubt part of the Pack Onyx curse that caused him to reject me.
But at least he knows that I don’t deserve to die.
“Kieran. Please.” Panting, I hold my tied hands up to him, my wet hair whipping around my head. “If you let me go, I promise that I’ll never darken your door again. I’ll go far, far away from Pack Jade, so far… so far it’ll be like we were never bonded.”
He stares at me. Lightning strikes in the distance, reflected in the black of his pupils, which are surrounded by a ring of the lightest blue. My breath catches as I wait for his answer.
“No. If you die, I may still get another mate.” A sneer twists his lips, his face suddenly unkind and cruel, like his father’s. “You don’t deserve my mercy. I only stopped them because I wanted to do it myself.”
Then he lifts his leg, presses the heel of his boot to my chest, and kicks me so hard that the air leaves my lungs in a rush. I stumble back, my tied arms flying, desperately trying to find purchase.
Empty air opens up beneath me.
I catch my breath and scream?—
Just before I hit the dark waves below, and the angry water swallows me whole.
Seconds later, I wake up in my bed, drenched in sweat. Darkness swathes my windows, even though the blinds are pulled up and the curtains thrown open in a move my best friend Dana calls “some psychopath shit.” She sleeps strictly in the darkest bedroom, so dark even her shifter’s eyes can’t see her own hand in front of her face.
But I need to know when the sun rises. I need to be able to look out the window every morning and see that I’m still here.Surrounded by the lush, green valley, thick forest, and distant mountains of Pack Jade land, deep in the Pacific Northwest of North America.
Home. Or some version of it. Throwing my covers off, I peel myself out of bed and take off my sweat-soaked pajamas. I flip on the fan so the air cools my overheated skin.
The nightmares only come a few times a month now. When they do, it’s some variation on the same theme. Sometimes Gran is there, or my old friends from school. Once or twice Dana has played a part, as have the pack elders and Alpha Cade. They always have choice things to say about the fact that I’m twenty-three and still can’t shift.
Because I never fall back asleep after the dream, I settle cross-legged on my rug and play my meditation playlist on my phone. It’s a series of soothing mindfulness talks given by calm, neutral voices against rain and classical music backgrounds. Some of the themes of the episodes are easy to get through: gratitude, love, friendship and focusing on the five senses. Others are more difficult, like trying to wish my enemies well.
I don’t try to play the episode on forgiveness. That one is too far out of reach. Instead I navigate to the meditation on gratitude for friends and family. As the sound of rain and a woman’s voice pipes through my earbuds, my mind wanders effortlessly back to that night in the woods after everything changed for me.
Sticks and rocks press into my shoulders and back, making sleep impossible. I toss and turn, trying to make a pillow out of my crossed arms, but the pain is too much. It feels like someonehas reached inside my chest and pulled out parts of all my vital organs.
Him, him, him.The mate bond yearns for Kieran. It screams for his nearness, his comfort, his soothing touch and ache. If I thought there were any way it might work, I would go to him, throw myself down on my knees and beg for his mercy. Death might be better than this ache, which settles in my bones and radiates outward with every heavy beat of my heart.
When dawn comes, I notice that I’m hungry. It’s a distant worry. Briefly, I think of Gran, who I’m sure is worried for me. If I go to her house she’ll have food and fresh water, warmth and comfort… and pity.
She’ll also have Kieran nearby. He and Alpha Cade live not far down the road from her. And if the mate bond is telling me one thing, it’s that the closer I am to him, the more I’ll suffer. It pulls me to him with the desperation of the dying, even as it thrums that he’s the source of my pain.
Him, him, him.I can smell him in the back of my nose, can taste him between my teeth. He’s flooded my senses and I haven’t even touched him in years.
