That’s the word the Pack Jade messenger uses when he knocks on the door at the break of dawn, mostly naked and clearly put out at having to shift back to his human form to tell me what Alpha Cade wants from me.
“You’re being summoned to the alpha’s office,” he says, the tiny pair of briefs he’s wearing covering very little skin. “Don’t ask me why. I have somewhere else to be.”
Then he strides to the end of our driveway, pulls the briefs off, shifts back to wolf form, and runs down the road with them in his teeth.
I’d laugh at how ridiculously comical it was if I didn’t know that the whole setup was meant in part to shame me. Shifters can’t exactly communicate telepathically in our animal forms, although it would be convenient I’m sure—but most are able to at least understand the gist of things through howls, barks, and well-placed snorts.
I’m sure if I had my wolf, he would’ve been able to just howl once or twice, and some innate part of me would’ve known that the alpha wanted my presence.
Striding into the kitchen, I say as much to Dana, and she looks up over her coffee at me with a frown.
“Normally they hold little messenger tubes in between their teeth so they don’t even have to say anything,” she points out, making me blush scarlet, because of course they’ve never bothered to bringmea message important enough to be written down to be delivered right away. “I’m guessing yours was delivered this way because it’s something last minute that couldn’t wait.”
“And the little briefs? Come on, Dana. They’ve got to be making fun of me.” I plop down across from her with a yogurt in my hand, cracking a yawn as I open it up and stir the fruit around with a spoon. “I don’t even know what it could possibly be about. Alpha Cade hasn’t even acknowledged that I exist since that day.”
I don’t have to say which day. It’s basically the only day that really matters.
“Maybe the briefs were because the messenger has a tiny ding-a-ling and he doesn’t want anyone to notice,” Dana suggests, swallowing a large mouthful of hot coffee with a nonchalance that makes me wince. “What are you going to do?”
“What can I do? I’ll drive over there as soon as I’m done getting coffee.” Glancing at the clock over the stove, I sigh. “We’ll have to skip morning training. And I probably won’t be able to come with you today.”
Dana is heading out in her truck this morning to scope out an estate sale she found online that promises rare Asian ceramics, as well as several pieces of taxidermy. The things she does for her day job running the antiques store are almost interesting enough to wish I had a similar job myself.
Almost. I like the work I do at the dive bar down the road, Marjorie’s. Mixing drinks and breaking up fistfights wasn’t exactly what I dreamed of doing, but for four days a week I makeenough money to spend half on bills and essentials and sock the other half away. Soon enough I’ll have the savings to go almost anywhere—not that I know yet where thatanywherewill be.
I’ve been preparing for it almost since the moment Dana found me. I always figured that one day, the pack would remember my existence and decide to finally exile me. I’ve been flying low for five years in the hope that it wouldn’t happen, but maybe when Kieran and the rest of the pack saw me beat Dana yesterday, they remembered that the last, wolfless member of the former Pack Onyx still lives on Pack Jade land.
My stomach churns as I consider what Alpha Cade could want, but most of all, it churns at the thought thathecould be there. I set my yogurt aside, suddenly queasy and unable to finish it at the thought of being in the same room as him.
“You don’t have to go,” Dana points, out, and I give her an are-you-serious look. “I mean it, Rory. You’ve got enough cash socked away to leave pack land and not look back. What are they going to do about it? They can’t exactly make you stay around. Every rejected mate has the right to leave.”
I wince at the reminder. “I’m going to one day,” I insist, although Dana looks doubtful, as we’ve had this conversation before. “But I can’t just act like I’m not a shifter. I may not have my wolf, but I can see in the dark, and smell things, and… I grew up here.” Slumping down into my chair, I hate to admit, “This is my home. My pack. Even if they don’t want me.”
“So go fight for yourself,” Dana says, setting her empty mug down, drained of an amount of coffee that would make a rhino jittery. “You’re not the same teenage girl you were the last time you were in that place. And whatever Alpha Cade wants, it can’t be worse than what his son did to you, can it? If you survived that, I’m sure you can survive a little meeting.”
Considering her words, I admit, “You’re right.”
I just hope that this meeting won’t include Kieran. The last thing I need is to feel the bond flare to life like it did that terrible day in the amphitheater. I haven’t spent these past five years avoiding everything about him, and that place, for no reason.
As I lean my motorcycle up against the kickstand and switch the engine off, I can already feel the bond in my chest. It’s a small, sharp ache, not as all-consuming as it was five years ago, or as surprising as it was yesterday morning, but it’s still there. The pain flares from the base of my rib cage to my sternum, hot and undeniable, pounding with every beat of my heart.
Which means he’s here. Waiting for me, with his father and other pack members, to talk to me about who knows what. I seriously consider turning around and running away for several moments, but I have to admit that Dana was wrong. I can’t just leave Pack Jade—no matter how much I wish it was that easy.
This place is in my blood. My bones. It calls to some innate part of me, the part that longs for a family and a home where I’m accepted for who I am.
I may not have a wolf, but I’m still a shifter. My instincts keep me here.
Besides, I have to know what the meeting is about. If I leave now, my curiosity will kill me.
But as I enter the meeting hall and traverse the hallway, getting closer and closer to the alpha’s office, I start to think that the pain of the severed bond might just kill me too.
I’d forgotten how intense it was after all these years away. It always hurts after a bad dream, or when I get too close to Kieran. Sometimes I just think about the rejection and it hurts.
Right now, though, the pain makes it hard to keep going. I put one foot in front of the other anyway, determination coursing through me. After all, I can’t back off now that I’ve come this far.
I don’t have to look at the plaque on the door to know when I’ve gotten to the right room. The sorrow filling my chest and pain radiating from my sternum tells me all on its own. Taking a deep breath, I remind myself to stay present, then focus on raising my hand to knock.
“Come in.”
