She shook her head, stood, and went to the door where the SUV had pulled up.
“I don’t keep tabs on it all. If you want to know, you’ll have to ask him,” she said, eyes shifting in a way that told me she knew exactly what I meant but, like Dawson, wasn’t going to talk about it.
I followed her into the back seat of the vehicle, my brain turning. She was tangled up in this as much as Dawson.
I wished I hadn’t come to New York. I wished I had never found out any of it.
Then, the feel of Dawson’s body tight up against mine returned, and I knew it wasn’t the truth. I’d wanted to be a part of his world, and this was the price. Secrets unraveling around him. Around them both.
???
Jada and I had spent the afternoon at the boutiques she loved. While Yuriko designed the largest part of the clothes in her closet, Jada never really stopped shopping. The salespeople knew her by name, and as soon as we walked in, they pulled out a dozen things that would fit her style. My brain was still filled with all the puzzle pieces and imaginative stories it could concoct. It made me distant, and Jada felt it.
She compensated in the only way Jada knew how—by throwing money at things. By trying to buy me a dress for dinner that I refused. Not only because she was already paying for the costume Yuriko was crafting, but also because I wasn’t sure I could ever look at her and her money in the same way again.
“This would make Dawson lose his shit,” Jada said, holding out a red dress that would barely cover my skin.
As much as I hated to admit it, my sixteen-year-old inner child ached at her words. Ached to buy a dress that would throw Dawson for a loop. I wanted to look like a Violet he’d never seen before. I wanted it almost as much as I wanted our first kiss to not have been mixed with secrets. Even knowing he could be engaged in something nefarious?that he could be the villain of the story?I couldn’t help wanting him. What did that say about me?
It was as if I hadn’t even lived the last five years at all. I was right back to being the Violet who’d always danced after him. The one who would do anything to catch his eye and capture his heart. To save him. Neither of us had acted on it back then, because I’d promised Jersey I wouldn’t because of our age gap and his attitude…because Dawson saw me as jailbait as much as his brother’s little sister-in-law.
But now he’d opened the door, and my body and soul were demanding more.
My body and heart didn’t care about the cost I might have to pay.
My brain was trying to rule but losing the battle.
When one of the salesclerks brought out an eggplant-colored, sleeveless dress that shimmered in the store light, even my brain gave in. It had a bandeau-style top with a huge bow tying it in the back. It fell gently away from the hips, not quite an A-line, but not quite stuck to the body either. A hint of a flare to accent slender hips into something more.
My hand went to it instinctively, and I was in a dressing room with it on my body before I could even think twice about it. Jada let herself into the changing room and whistled. “It’s like the designer knew you,” she said.
It was grown-up and sexy but playful enough to still be me.
When I slid my credit card across the counter to the sales lady, Jada huffed but didn’t stop me. The card was already near its maximum with lab equipment and supplies I’d purchased, but I couldn’t leave the store without buying the dress.
On our way back to the penthouse, Jada hadKaidastop at a liquor store. She left me in the car while she flew inside and came out with a bottle of sake, a clear thumbing of her nose at Ken’Ichi and the tossed liquor from the night before.
When we got back to the penthouse, it was quiet. Jada fixed that by blaring music through its entirety while we got ready. She opened the bottle of sake and objected every time I tried to slow her down. I distracted her by doing our makeup, something I’d loved to do ever since I’d been a teen. I’d spent hours watching YouTube channels as a way of decompressing. Jada had more makeup at this one house than some professional makeup artists. I couldn’t even imagine what was scattered around the globe.
Once I’d done our makeup, hers in gold and silvers to match the lamé top and royal blue leather skirt she’d bought, and mine in hints of purple and green, she returned the favor by doing our hair. Hers was silky and straight with a single side clip encrusted with sapphires that I was pretty sure were real. For me, she did soft curls that spun down my back, but the front was drawn up, reminding me of some elfin princess. She secured the small ponytail with a clip that looked like a tiny tiara.
When we stood side by side in the mirror, I could only smile at our image.
We’d come so far from the plaid skirts and tight sweaters she’d first dressed me in when I’d started going out with her as a teen. After we’d first met up to do homework together, our friendship had bloomed into almost sisterhood, a relationship I’d missed in California without realizing it, just like I’d missed Mandy and Leena.
“I missed you. This. Us getting ready together,” I told her. I’d had friends at college. Raisa and I had continued to grow even closer when I’d moved to Stanford for my master’s degree, but there was something about my relationship with Jada that had always been missing from those other friendships. A sense of truly needing each other. She’d needed me as a distraction and as a conscience. I’d needed her to push me out from under Jersey’s protective embrace. To prove to myself that I could stand on my own.
My heart hurt knowing I’d left her for so long.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly into the mirror.
She looked surprised. “About what?”
“I left you.”
She adjusted her clip. “The last thing I ever wanted was for you to stay in that ghastly town, defending yourself. You out making your dreams come true…that’s what I wanted for you.”
“I know we’ve talked a lot, but I feel like you had shit go down in your life that I wasn’t there for. That you didn’t tell me about.”
