She was swaying again, soothing and thinking.
“But what if…”
I trailed a finger from her cheek to her lips, halting her words, hiding the negative thought that I knew was going to come spinning out of them.
I replaced them with my own. “But what if it works?”
Tristan
GOD WHISPERED YOUR NAME
“I can see the sunshine
For the first time in a while.”
Performed by Keith Urban
Written by Carter / Megert / Slater / Carter
Brady’s fingers on my cheek andmy lips were leaving marks I wasn’t sure I would ever escape. When he was with me, it was hard to see the famous country-rock star. I felt like I saw Cormac, the boy my grandmother bragged on much more than some far off celebrity.
Maybe that really was what I was seeing. Maybe he was showing me the personal side of him the rest of the world didn’t get. He was taking a risk. A risk on me. And God, I ached to do the same back.
Hannah was holding me back. Nash would accuse me of using her as a shield again. A way to keep the world at bay as I had so often when she was first born. Back then, when I was holding her, she drew people’s eyes. She was what they would talk about and not Darren, or his loss, or how I was holding up.
I couldn’t do that to her or me for the rest of our lives. It wasn’t fair—to either of us. But she’d just experienced a huge loss. My grandmother. Her teacher and her friend. If I took this step with Brady, moving us past casual acquaintances joined by a shared love for Grams to an attempt at some sort of actual relationship?dating?and it didn’t work out, what would happen to my little girl?
He asked what if I took the risk and it worked, and that made my hope zing through me. What if we became something real? Something permanent. It hurt to think of that almost as much as the thought of it not working out. But when I’d sent him home the night before and he’d kissed me on the forehead instead of the lips, I’d felt disappointed.
Putting someone in my life and in my bed that wasn’t Darren seemed…heartbreaking. But for the first time since he’d passed, I wanted it for myself. I wanted to feel loved. Even more, I wanted to love someone back. To share someone’s world with them. I wanted Hannah to see that love so she knew what she deserved someday.
I took a deep breath. “We’re filling plastic Easter eggs tonight. Would you like to join us?”
His face broke into the huge Brady O’Neil smile that graced magazines and billboards and album covers. I’d just invited this world-famous celebrity to fill Easter eggs. I wanted to bonk myself in the head at the mundaneness of it all. Then, I steeled myself, throwing my shoulders straight. This was my world. It was mundane, and if he wanted to be a part of it, he’d have to see it for what it was. There were no flashy cocktail parties or famous actresses or record deals in the making. It was little kids shouting, a dog that begged, and pure messiness.
“I’d really, truly love to. I just need to make sure I check in at home, and then I can come by. Shall I bring dinner?”
It was strange the way he checked in with his parents like he was a teenager. It called out more warning signs just as I was trying to bury them all. But who was I to question family relationships these days? I wasn’t. My family was having a hard time with everything that had happened since Grams’ death. Maybe before. Maybe they were upset I’d let my grandma pull me from my grief instead of them.
“You don’t need to bring dinner. I already have vegetarian tacos planned if that is something you think you can stomach,” I answered.
He nodded with a sigh. “I’m being forced into vegetarianism from all sides these days.”
I smiled. His thumb caressed my bottom lip, causing my body to tremble.
“’Kay. I’m leaving,” he said, but he didn’t budge. Not an inch.
I couldn’t help the soft laugh that escaped me as I pulled his hand from my face. “I have to go get Hannah, so if you don’t leave, I’ll be leaving you.”
As I went to let his hand go, his fingers merged with mine, and he squeezed as if reassuring me that this was going to be okay. We walked to the door. I set the alarm, and we left. It seemed impossible that not even two weeks had passed since the first time we’d left the store together when I’d thought his name was Cormac.
He kissed my knuckles, squeezed my hand one more time, and then headed off in the direction of his parents’ house. I watched for a moment. He turned his head, a smile radiating off him over the distance as he winked at me. God, he really was gorgeous. Dynamic. Things I’d once had and lost and now were trying to reenter my life.
I turned away and headed toward Stacy’s.
When I entered, the house was a burst of noise. I followed it back to the kitchen where Stacy, Jin, their two littles, and Hannah were all sitting at the round table, decorating wooden eggs with paint pens. Stacy’s looked like a Faberge egg. Jalissa’s was a squiggle of color. Kiran had a fox on his, and Hannah’s was full of musical notes.
“Hello, everyone,” I said, going to my girl, squishing her from behind and placing a kiss on her cheek.
