Those words had stabbed relief and guilt into my soul.
The nurse, Theresa, came in with a fresh pitcher of water, a glass of ice, and a straw. Stacy was right behind her, but thankfully, there was no sign of Brady O’Neil. My body was already too shaken up. I wasn’t sure I could have withstood the continued onslaught if he’d stayed any longer.
“Is it okay for her to be sleeping?” I asked the nurse quietly.
Theresa nodded. “Yes, we’ll wake her every hour just to make sure, but rest is good.”
After Theresa left, Stacy dragged a chair from the other side of the room, placing it next to mine. She took my hand and squeezed. “She’s going to be okay.”
“I can’t get the image of her at the bottom of the stairs out of my head,” I said, voice shaking. The terror I’d felt filled me again.
“I can’t even imagine,” she said.
“I’m sorry I woke you and Jin. You didn’t need to come.”
“I’m glad you called me. I’m glad I’m here,” Stacy said. “Now, spill the beans about holy hotness in the hallway.”
I shrugged. “Grams left him some things. When he came to get them today, he had that dark beard and a beanie pulled down over his eyebrows. He looked more like a hoodlum than a famous country singer.”
“A hoodlum?”
“Ha ha. I’m tired. You’re lucky I’m able to converse in complete sentences,” I said with a weak smile she returned.
“So, you’ve never met him before?”
I sighed. “I’ve never met him up close and personal in the store as “Cormac,” the student that no other student could compare to, no.”
“What does that mean, up close and personal?”
“He was at Dani and Nash’s wedding. He even sang them a song. I’m pretty sure I remember him being at Mac’s wedding, too, but that was barely a year after… and that time is still a little fuzzy,” I said quietly.
“And let me guess, you never went up to him and said, ‘Hello, Mr. Hottie, can I borrow your bones for the night just to relieve the sexual frustration that has been building for almost four long years?’”
I bumped her shoulder. “No. Are you kidding? I barely made it to those events. Everyone there knew…”
I shuddered. Everyone at those events knew about my loss. They knew about the Darren-sized hole in the universe that walked around next to me. I hadn’t been looking for anyone to fill my bed—even for a night. And if I had, I wouldn’t have gone searching amongst my friends, people who I’d have to see again.
The one thing Stacy didn’t seem to understand was that my sexual appetite had shriveled up when I’d buried my husband. Those urges had disappeared with Darren. At least, they had until my entire body had sparked back into being when Cormac?Brady?had touched me this afternoon.
Stacy was eyeballing me with that look she’d started to give me lately. The look that said it had been long enough. That I needed to start searching out a partner, even if it was just for sex. Darren and I had gotten up to some pretty serious hijinks in our day. He’d been so damn strong. He’d been able to hold me, and all my curves, with ease anywhere he wanted me. My body slowly burned at the thought of him, his arms, and the way he’d devoured me. How could anything…anyone… ever make me feel that way again?
It seemed impossible. I wanted it to be impossible.
And that was the problem.Regardless of the fact that I was only in my early thirties, I didn’t want another love.I still wanted my one love back.
???
The late-afternoon light was fading as the gray clouds continued to hang over Grand Orchard. It made the light in the studio aboveLa Musica de Ensueñosshift into shadows and brought me out of the brush strokes I’d been making.
My phone buzzed.
MOM: How’s Hannah?
I turned to the futon in the corner where Hannah slept.
She’d done a lot of sleeping today. My worry over her head wound was slowly easing its painful hold on my heart and lungs, but every time I looked over to see her eyes closed, I still froze until I could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest.
She had the cookbook tucked next to her, and I remembered my promise to make the chocolate cake and the ingredients we’d bought the day before. With the light fading, it meant painting was done for the day. We’d go home and spend the rest of the afternoon making a cake.
