“What can I do for you?” he asked, and there was the anguish I’d heard from him before. It was in the depth of his voice, twisted with emotions he didn’t let show.
Once upon a time, I’d let Nash take care of Hannah, Molly, and me for too long. I wouldn’t do it again. Not when he had his own family now. He’d been married to my friend Dani for over two years. They had a dog, and a house, and a life that was exactly what Darren would have wished for him.
“Thank you for coming. That’s enough,” I told him.
“You didn’t deserve this,” he said quietly.
I was so tired. Tired of the war of emotions that had been going through me over the last week. The anger. The heartache. The reflections back to when I’d first been told Darren had died.
“She was ninety-three,” I told him. “It hardly made sense to think she’d outlive me, but that’s what I wanted. That’s what I needed.”
The damn tears leaked from the corners of my eyes again.
Waterworks. I was good at them.
We stood there for a long time, the rain the only sound between us as I fought for control. I was ready for everyone to be gone so Hannah and I could grieve in peace. My daughter was almost as tired as I was of people asking how she was.
She wasn’t even five yet, and she’d lost the two most important people in her life. She didn’t know how to feel. She couldn’t even process it, and yet, people insisted on asking her.
I looked in the huge front window and found her sitting on Dani’s lap with the dog at their feet. Hannah was wrapped in her maroon shawl, holding her top hat with clenched fingers. She’d barely taken either of them off in a week. They were both gifts from Grams.
She’d been so mad at me when I told her.
She’d asked me why I hadn’t gone to wake Grams sooner.
I’d tried to explain that it wouldn’t have mattered. She’d been dead for hours, but hours meant nothing to little kids. It was a vague, unknown notion.
My mom had explained it better. “You know how longMama Miais?” It was Hannah’s favorite movie of all time, and Hannah had nodded. “Grams had been gone for as long as it would take to watch that show twice before your mom found her.”
She’d been dead at least four hours they said.
But I still couldn’t quite forgive myself for not checking on her sooner.
I wasn’t sure I ever would.
After Hannah had thought about what my mom had said, she’d asked who was going to continue to teach her to play piano, which had me sobbing right along with her, because I didn’t know. Piano and music had been one of the many things they’d done together.
As Nash held me, I let myself cry again. But I promised myself it would be one of the last times. Hannah needed to see me get through this with strength, not fading away. She would be watching me to know what to do, unlike when Darren had died.
This week had been bad enough for her to witness, with everyone falling apart in rounds. My mom, my dad, my sister, the triplets—who didn’t even know what they were crying about—and Grams’ friends who’d come to the house once the news had spread through Grand Orchard.
Gram’s lawyer had even cried as she read the will to us. My sister, Bailey, had gotten angry and stormed out because she and her babies had barely gotten a mention. Mom had clearly been confused as to why Grams would leave me everything, including the house and the store.
My family was unhappy with the inequity. I couldn’t blame them. Bailey had said some pretty hurtful things about how I’d purposefully weaseled up to our grandmother, and now she was barely speaking to me, which was just one more hurt piled on top of the pile of hurts.
Money screwed people up.
It was true that I’d built a relationship with our grandmother that my sister hadn’t, but it wasn’t because of some grand ulterior motive on my part. Bailey had never wanted to give up her cheerleading team and dance competitions in order to come to Grand Orchard with me in the summers. I hadn’t had Bailey’s hobbies and interests back then. I’d loved painting, and I’d loved my time with Grams. I’d adored listening to her passionate voice as she discussed music, the past, and her life. She’d spent her childhood traveling all over the Iberian Peninsula with my great-grandfather who’d been a famous flamenco singer. The stories of how they’d brought the music and dance to America, and how it had led her to my grandfather had filled me with a sense of belonging when I’d needed it.
Everything was all messed up now. Not just without Grams, but with my family. I’d take having my grandmother back over any of the money she’d left me. But she must have known I wouldn’t want to leave Grand Orchard when she was gone, and this was her way of making sure I could stay. She was right. I didn’t want to leave, because I didn’t want Hannah to lose her friends on top of losing Grams. Grams had given me everything she owned so I could remain here. She’d trusted me with the things she’d loved most, not just for me, but also for my music-loving daughter.
Of all the things floating through my brain, only one was certain: I had to keep it all together. For Grams. For Hannah. For me.
Brady
FOREVER'S GOTTA START SOMEWHERE
“Well, it could end up anywhere,
