“That must have hurt,” I said softly.
Pain flitted across his face before he put it away behind a wry smile. “It did. Elana caught me as I started to destroy the tapes. She made me listen to about a hundred albums after that—first albums and last albums so I could hear the difference in the tone and skill of the artists. She said I might not be as good as I would be someday, but I had as much talent as any of the people we’d just listened to and that not trying would be like thumbing my nose at fate.”
Thoughts of Grams normally stabbed at me, but as I sat there wrapped in Brady’s arms, all I could think about was how glad I was she’d been there for him.
“What did your mom say when you got accepted?” I asked.
He chuckled. “She said it was a moot point because they didn’t have the money to send me there, especially when I could get a free education at Wilson-Jacobs.”
“You went anyway?” I couldn’t imagine how much courage it must have taken to do that. To step away from everything he knew without the financial security. I hadn’t had to do that, ever. Not until now, when I was struggling to fix the mess Grams had left.
“Mom’s never quite forgiven me for leaving.”
The tension that was there when he talked about his mom made more sense, but it was hard to reconcile the version of her he’d just shared to the laughing woman I’d spent the afternoon with.
“She’s not the evil stepmother of my story,” he said, and I realized my expression must have revealed my conflicting emotions. “Elana was right when she told me my mom was afraid that if I left the nest, I’d never come back home. And, to be fair, I really haven’t. I let her down in a lot of ways.”
This filled me with a wave of anger. “How could you possibly have let her down? Not only are you successful and passionate about what you do, you use it to help others. I’ve heard from Dani and Nash about the charities you give to, the people you help.”
He didn’t look like he believed me, and I realized his being there for Cassidy was all tied to this twisted relationship with his mom. I understood how relationships could get soskewedso quickly.Look at what Grams’ estate had done to Bailey’s and my relationship.Hell, it had even stutter-stepped my relationship with my mom. But in my heart, I knew that the good Brady did outweighed anything he could have done by staying in Grand Orchard.
I swallowed hard. Would he stay now because of me? Would that prevent him from doing even more good in the world?
“If you had one wish, would you change what you’ve done?” I asked.
He thought for barely a second before he was shaking his head. “The only thing I’d wish was that Ava was singing next to me.”
He’d mentioned her before. A memory of a dark-haired woman with a throaty, sexy voice tugged at the edges of my brain. She’d been at Mac and Georgie’s wedding, I thought. At Dani and Nash’s as well, but I didn’t think we’d ever truly been introduced.
“We were at Juilliard together,” he explained into my silence. “She was my songwriting partner then as much as she is now. When I got signed, they wanted both of us—a duet—but she chose a different path.”
“Wow. Not many people would be able to walk away from something like that,” I said. Brady’s voice was filled with emotion when he spoke of her, and I wondered if he’d loved her. I wondered if there had ever been anyone in his life whom he’d loved like I’d loved Darren.
“She’d been controlled her whole life and couldn’t allow herself back into a situation where she wouldn’t be the one determining what happened to her.”
I was quiet for a moment. “Did you…do you love her?”
His brown eyes met my lighter ones. “Yes. Like a sister. There was a brief time, when we were first at Juilliard together, that I would have done about anything to be the guy she chose. But I realized early on that we weren’t meant to be in that way. Our paths had crossed because of the music and not because of our hearts. But even without loving each other romantically, our souls are still tied together somehow because we get each other. The words. The chords. They always seem to fit.”
Like every time Brady drew emotion from me, I was a mix of them. Not quite jealous at the thought of someone else being tied to him in some way, but also joy that he had someone who was that important to him who was helping him in this chaotic business.
It was like the emotions I used to have about Nash and Silver Team. It had been hard to share Darren, but I’d known he needed them. They’d been a part of him in a way I could have never been, but it hadn’t changed or dimmed the love we felt for each other.
“Can I askyousomething?” He twisted my words back at me, and my heart hammered. I nodded.
“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t been a SEAL?”
I fidgeted with the wedding ring that was now on my right hand. He saw it, and instead of getting upset about it, as a lot of guys might have been, his fingers joined mine, twisting it for me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to remove it, and I somehow got the sense that he wouldn’t ask me to.
“Yes,” I breathed out. “But it’s like the chicken and the egg question, because if he hadn’t been a SEAL, he wouldn’t have been Darren, and then I probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with him.”
It felt strange to be talking about Darren with Brady. To be talking about him with a man I wanted to kiss for hours and see naked in a bed next to me. A man who I wanted, in many ways, so I could finally put to rest the images haunting me of my husband. Not replacing them as much as taking over for them. Which wasn’t really right either because I didn’t expect Brady to be Darren.
I blew out a frustrated breath.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to cause you pain.”
I put my hand on his jaw, the beard rough and comforting against my palm.
