“They put me on leave,” I said, the tightness in my chest only increasing.
After a long moment, Mac breathed out, “Hell.”
His eyes grew soft, and I couldn’t face it. I turned back to the bartender, waving my empty bottle. I hadn’t even gone on leave when I’d first come back with the dead bodies covered in flags. Instead, I’d gone straight into the inquiry with Mac at my side. Then, I’d gone on to the review board, and from there, to a special committee on The Hill. In between, I’d buried four men. I’d taken a short leave to help Tristan and Hannah move back to Delaware. I’d taken another short leave when she moved out of her parents’ house into the rental place in Church Beach. That was it.
They’d reassigned me while waiting for a spot to open up on a team. I’d supported training sessions at the sniper school, BUD/S, and the academy. The academy was what had stuck the most. Maybe because it was a chance to make sure those kids were as ready as they could be for what was coming for them. No one could ever truly be ready for the hell that was Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training or the trainings that came after, but my being tough on them now was a leap in the right direction.
But I knew—just like Mac knew—being put on a mental health leave now, a year later, didn’t bode well for my military career. The only thing saving me from discharge was the amount of time and money the Navy had put into me.
“I don’t have a fucking death wish,” I muttered to Mac as well as myself. “None of us do. I can’t be thinking I might die every time I go into an op. That shit would lock me up cold, but I also can’t be afraid to die. Knowing and accepting are different than wishing for it.”
Mac was nodding. “Absolutely. What did he say to that?”
“Said he’d put me back on active duty once I had a reason to live and threw our motto in my face.” I was still pissed about it.
We drank in silence for a while more before Mac put his hands out in a sign of peace before saying, “Have you thought about getting out? About what you would do in civilian life?”
I shook my head. “I’m a lifer, Mac. You know that.”
“Civilian security pays a boatload more than what you’re making now.”
“Since when has money been my motivation? I have no desire to work for one of those shitty companies trying to do our jobs and failing. They always end up getting in our way. That’s a cop-out.”
“You don’t have to go back overseas. There are plenty of security jobs here.”
I laughed sarcastically. “Yeah, you see me wearing a suit and aviator glasses?”
“I’m serious. Dani was just telling me how they’re beefing up security for Brady. Some of the guys wear suits; some of them wear all black to blend in as roadies,” he said. I heard the words, but I’d almost shut down after he’d said Dani’s name followed in the next breath by Brady’s. Images of the two of them laughing as they’d danced at Mac’s wedding haunted me. My body reacted to it. Denial. Possessiveness. Resignation. She couldn’t be mine.
“Why does Dani know what’s happening with Brady O’Neil? She cave and become one of his groupies or something?” I tried to say it casually. I tried to sound like I was just extending the conversation, but her name and I didn’t have a good relationship. Her name made my voice go down a half an octave and had me coursing with desire. When I looked at Mac, I could see the tiny narrowing of his eyes as he watched me and my response.
I didn’t blink.
Finally, he answered. “She got a job as his public relations manager. She’s been traveling back and forth to New York the last couple weeks, learning the ropes, prepping for his tour kick-off.”
“And this requires a lot of security, does it?” I couldn’t help the smirk at the thought. Mac smacked me on the back of the head, and I growled at the Gibbs move. He just grinned.
“Well, I guess there have been some threats from a disgruntled employee. I haven’t been read in because there’s a nondisclosure agreement in place about the whole topic.”
The sudden image of Dani being at Brady’s side when shots went off made my heart seize up all over again. That burnt up body part had gotten a good workout today. It was still charred like charcoal, but between the doc and Dani, it was being squeezed out of its hardened state into one cracked with blood and sorrow.
“Is she in danger?” I asked, still trying to keep my voice even.
Mac shook his head. “Nah. It’s all directed at Brady.”
“We all know how that goes. Aiming for one, you might get the other.”
“You never did.”
“I’m a fucking sniper. I’m not some random weirdo with a grudge,” I threw back.
Mac’s face twisted with a look of surprise. “You know, I wasn’t thinking of it from that perspective. Now, I’m going to be worried as hell, so thanks for that.”
I didn’t say anything, because now I was going to be worried as hell, too.
Dani
BEAUTIFUL
