The magnitude of everything weighs on me—not just this impossible choice, but the growing certainty that something is fundamentally wrong.
“Even if we do this… If you Call to me and I Bind to you, will it help? Can Bram maintain his calm and strategic thinking with the Council? Certainly, you noticed that?—”
“He isn’t himself?” Lucan winced. “I overheard. The things he said… The Bram I know would never threaten to disclaim you.”
“It’s more than his harsh words. He was mean in ways I’ve never seen. Dismissive. Even cruel.”
“That spell Mathias cast nearly killed him. It may have left some lasting…effects. Though I’ve honestly never heard of such a thing.”
“Neither have I, but we’re not versed in dark magic. Aunt Millie might know more…but I’m not sure she’s any more knowledgeable in those sorts of forbidden spells. Besides, we can’t risk bringing her or anyone else here while we’re in hiding.” Despair wells in my chest. “What if Bram never recovers? What if this…shell of my brother is all that’s left?”
Lucan wraps his hands around my shoulders, steadying me. “Don’t think the worst. There’s always hope until there isn’t. We’ll figure it out—together. But right now, we have to focus on stopping Mathias. If he gains a Council seat…”
“I know.” The words taste bitter. “Do you truly want to be mated to me, Lucan?”
I stare deep in his blue eyes, needing to see his reaction for myself. He stands tall, familiar, and striking, the wind whipping his shaggy dark hair around his ears. He digs his hands into the pockets of his jeans, shoulders hunched in a T-shirt to ward off the cold. Stylish and pleasant where Ice is hard-edged. Compelling. They represent two different worlds. Night and day. Neither is good nor bad…just different.
“We can help magickind,” he says finally. “We can ward off the biggest threat to peace and security in two centuries.”
“What about your heart?” I look at him with pleading eyes, begging him to understand, to give me his honesty.
He tugs one of his hands from his pockets and captures a wet curl skimming my cheek between his thumb and fingers. He holds the skeins in his fingers, rubbing them together for a pregnant moment. An awareness I’ve never seen from him fills his gaze. I suck in a gasp of surprise.
“When I told you that last night at Bram’s house that I remembered a bit about being with you, I wasn’t completely honest. I remember much more.”
The fact shines in his darkening eyes, stunning me.
I shrug off his touch. “I remember, too. I know how many times you cried out for Anka. You don’t love me.”
He leans closer, forcing me to meet his stare. “How many times did I call out for Anka the very last time?”
I think back, and the answer stuns me.
“Not once,” he supplies. “I knew it was you.”
And that was the only time I orgasmed with him.
Lucan takes my trembling hands in his. “We’ve always been friends, got on well together. I won’t lie and tell you I don’t desire you. Since I emerged from my mate mourning, you’ve…been on my mind.”
Oh, my… I cover my mouth with freezing fingers to stifle a gasp. My brother’s best friend, in lust with me?
“But you still love Anka.”
Bitterness crosses his pained expression, hardens his clenched jaw. “She isn’t coming back. She’s moved on, and I need to do the same. To mate with someone I consider most dear for such a necessary cause, to have such a sparkling, intelligent female with whom I share a great many interests, would be no hardship.”
He’s serious. Although this grand plan is Bram’s, Lucan seems perfectly willing to play along. And it isn’t because he covets a Council seat; I know that. While Ice, if I mate with him…doesn’t he win in every way? I will both destroy my relationship with my brother, thus losing him a sister, and Ice will improve his own connections potentially for a Council position.
A union between Lucan and me sounds perfectly logical and reasonable. I will mate with someone I’ve long considered a friend, and Ice won’t benefit from being less than honest with me. If he actually was.
Ugh, nothing feels right. My brain scrambles, my insides tremble with helpless fury. And my heart continues to want the untamed, unsuitable wizard who stole it. I yearn to throw duty and politics aside. But how many people will die simply because I ache to follow my heart?
“You’re hesitating,” Lucan points out.
Isn’t it obvious why? “You have no instinct to mate with me.”
“That doesn’t make the words any less binding, Sabelle. You’ve long known Bram would arrange a political mating for you. But Ice… If you believe nothing I’ve said, believe that he likely has many reasons to make you his mate, none of which have anything to do with love or instinct.”
Though ugly, it’s quite possible he’s right. After all, Ice kept the truth about his past from me.
