You could have that forever, a voice whispers to me. Speak the Binding. Become his mate.
What would Bram say? The Council? The rest of the Privileged? Could I endure the possibility of being shunned? What about a mating of political necessity Bram advocated for? What if I accept Ice and the balance of the Council falls in Mathias’s hands? What good is preserving my heart if I destroy magickind?
I sigh. Bram mated where he wished. But wondering where the fairness is in that does me no good. Life isn’t fair, and it never will be. Resenting my brother for following his urges and heart only makes me feel petty. Logically, mating is simply different for wizards. Their instinct tells them. Witches…not so much. And as Merlin’s granddaughter, celebrated from the time I was born, expectations were always heaped on me. That only intensified after my transition. Once magickind realizes the peril they’re in, more eyes will be on me.
Rolling away, I sit up, glance over my shoulder at Ice again. He occupies three quarters of the bed. In sleep, I recall his arm twisted about me, his leg draped over me, hard breathing on my neck. I felt cherished and protected in a way I never have.
Gathering up the courage to Renounce him will hurt. But I have to do it. Today. Continuing to give Ice hope when I cannot be free of my station in life is horribly unfair to him.
Tears stab my eyes as I shove the gauzy drape aside. Stumbling from the bed, I cover my face with my hands and hold in my sobs. I want Ice—now. Again. God help me, I fear I’ll always want him and no one else will do. A reckless part of me wants to crawl back into bed with him and Bind to him so no one can ever part us.
Duty. Desire. Family. My heart. All are important. I don’t know which way to turn.
I reach for my clothes and thrust them on, so utterly confused, my mind adrift…
Until the sudden shrill shriek of a magical alarm slices through my skull. The wards. Someone—no, many someones—are hammering against our defenses with methodical, terrifying precision.
Chapter
Twenty-Two
I rush to the bed to shake Ice awake, but he is already jumping up and shoving on his jeans.
“The Anarki are here,” he mutters, grim-faced.
Swallowing, I nod. “They haven’t penetrated our magic yet.”
“Won’t be long. I sense great numbers.”
As soon as he says the words, a bombardment of mental activity penetrates me. Thoughts. Puzzlement. Anger. Triumph.
“They know we’re inside and potentially cornered. We must escape now.”
Ice hesitates. “You must. I’ll help you. Hide you and Bram. Take the Doomsday Diary?—”
Horror grips me as I seize his hand. “No. You’re coming with me.”
He caresses my cheek. “Princess, they believe they have someone cornered. If they break through our magic and find the premises empty, they will know we’ve fled and continue chasing us. If they find me here, they may believe they’ve won and leave you to escape with Bram and the book.”
His words pelt my brain and distill down into one terrible truth. “Ice… You can’t. If they find you, they’ll torture you and k?—”
He places a soft kiss over my mouth, ending my sentence. “We’ve no time to argue. Let’s get you hidden. I know a place in the cellar. If I can, I’ll teleport away and meet you in the village in an hour.”
It sounds so simple, but something on his face gives me pause. Panicked, I squeeze his hand even tighter. “Promise?”
Resolution drifts across his face, and it scares me to death. “If I’m not there in an hour, take a car and go on. No objection, princess. Magickind is counting on you.”
His assurance that he’ll teleport away…a lie designed to soothe me. Placate me. He’s going to let the Anarki take him to better my chances of escaping. And if they catch him…
A sob clogs my throat. Ice is sacrificing his life for mine.
“Please don’t do this…” Tears fill my eyes. “Please.”
“Time to go. If you’re to escape, we can’t waste time.” He brushes past me. I watch his wide back retreat, then bend as he lifts Bram, still shrouded in the black cloud, over his shoulder. “Grab your pack. Follow me.”
This can’t happen. I can’t let this wizard give himself over to evil and unspeakable torture merely to save me.
With all my strength, I latch onto his elbow and spin him to face me. “As I become a part of you, you become a part of me. I will be honest, good, and?—”
