I’ll continue to endeavor until, someday, I hope to deserve her.
“What? No one expected you to kill him, just to win. And you did!” She grips my face and forces me to meet her gaze.
I drown in blue heaven and concern. But I don’t deserve that, either.
I close my eyes.
“It’s not enough.” I suck in a breath and focus so hard that my head begins to pound. But I must say this in a complete sentence, because I refuse to embarrass myself even more. “I’m not worthy of you, princess. I will love you always. Be happy. That will be enough for me.”
Dizziness and nausea assail me as I rise to my feet and stumble past her.
“Isdernus Rykard!” Sabelle shouts at my back. “What sort of nonsense are you spewing?”
The truth. She’ll see that someday.
She darts after me and grabs my arm. Clearly, that someday isn’t today.
“Ice.”
I can’t look at her. Won’t. If I do, I’ll turn weak. I’ll bury my face in her neck again, throw my arms around her, and stay there forever.
I have to do what’s right.
“No, Sabelle. Stop.”
“Stop what?” she demands.
I’ve lost all hope of a future with this failure, and I don’t deserve to even set eyes upon her, much less call her mine. But I hear the tears in her voice. Pain shreds my heart, and I can’t look at her. Strength, just a few minutes more. Then I can find privacy, rail at my failure, mourn her loss, and try to figure out how I’ll live without her.
“Thinking of me. Find one who is worthy of you. Who deserves you.” Again, I stride past her, walking away from the challenge ring, the Council elders, and the woman I love more than my own life.
“I found a man who deserves me, Isdernus. One with the heart of a warrior and a selfless love I’ve never known. Please.”
She’s wrong, and I can’t let myself have this false hope.
“As I become a part of you, you become a part of me,” she calls to my retreating back.
“No,” I moan. Though her words are a balm to my soul, I force myself to keep walking away and putting distance between us.
And still, she keeps saying the words I’ve longed to hear. “Each day, I will be honest, good, and true. I heed your Call. ’Tis you I seek. From this moment on, there is no other for me but?—”
“Sabelle, no!”
“I say, Rykard!” Blackbourne yells as he darts toward me. “Stop!”
I don’t answer, and I don’t pause. I merely put another foot in front of the other. The ground swimming in my vision has gone from double to triple.
When I reach the corner of the house, I manage a last glance over my shoulder. Blackbourne frowns under heavy salt-and-pepper brows. Bram and Tynan stand silently, as if uncertain or unwilling to interfere. Sabelle looks at me as if I’m breaking her heart. The fact I see her tear-stained face in triplicate only magnifies my ache. That expression, so fraught with pain and confusion, cuts me deep. She will move on, as she should. Must. But her anguished face will haunt me forever.
“We’re not finished,” Blackbourne shouts, bearing down on me.
I draw in a deep breath. A few more steps, then I can sit, rest, until I find the strength to teleport home. But as I plant my next footfall in the dormant grass, my knee gives out.
Suddenly, I’m tumbling. Blackness threatens to take me.
“Rykard!” the Council Chancellor snaps. “Where are you going?”
Apparently, I think as gravity and unconsciousness take me, I’m going nowhere.
