“What the fuck?” I said.
“And James and I saw you kissing Tanner at that romantic restaurant. I’m so sorry he doesn’t want to be more than friends. My heart hurts for you. And I know he cares for you of course, but he’s clearly not gay.”
“Neither am I!”
“Matt. It’s okay. We’re here for you no matter what. And I’m so sorry you never felt comfortable enough to tell us that you’ve been gay this whole time. We love you no matter what.”
“I haven’t been secretly gay this whole time. I’ve never been gay,” I added, just to make sure I was being clear enough.
“Well he definitely didn’t used to be gay,” Justin said. “Since he was engaged to Brooklyn and everything.”
It felt like all the air left my lungs.
“What?” Penny said. “Brooklyn?” She turned to me. “Who is Justin talking about?”
“His fiancée,” Justin said. “They were high school sweethearts. But she passed away…”
“Stop,” I said. I felt like I was choking.
“Oh my God, Matt.” Penny put her hand over her mouth.
This wasn’t how I wanted to tell her. It wasn’t supposed to come out like this. I couldn’t breathe. I got up from the table. I couldn’t look at any of them. I couldn’t do this right now. I couldn’t breathe.
“Wait, Matt,” Penny said.
“Penny, stop.” James ran after me instead. “Matt!” He caught up with me outside the restaurant. “I’m sorry. As soon as I found out she sent you on a blind date with Justin, I tried to stop it.”
“I just need to be alone.” I waved my hand at the valet. He went to get my car.
“Where are you going?” James asked.
I didn’t respond.
“Matt?”
I ignored him as the valet pulled my car up and handed me my keys.
“You’re not the only one that’s ever worried about someone else,” James said. “I worried about you back then. After Brooklyn died. I worried that you knew what it felt like to not want to keep going too. You were right about me. I hated my life. I hated everything. And you looked out for me. And now I’m looking out for you.” He grabbed the keys from my hand. “Now where are we going?”
I wasn’t going to fight with him. “I need to go home.”
“Okay.” He unlocked my car and we both climbed in.
He didn’t say a word to me as he drove through the city streets. Not a single word until he pulled up outside my place and cut the engine. “Brooklyn would have wanted you to be happy.”
“I meant what I said last night. I am happy.”
“You don’t look happy, man,” James said.
“I feel guilty. For moving on. I can’t help it. I am happy, but I feel like shit for being happy.”
“We all like Kennedy,” James said.
I looked over at him.
“You weren’t fooling anyone with that ‘just friends’ stunt. Except for Penny I guess.”
I laughed. “Yeah.”
