“You’re speechless,” Tanner said. “I understand. Love makes people lose their thoughts.” He leaned forward and hugged me super tight, practically lifting me off the ground.
At least he wasn’t kissing me again. “Tanner, I’m pretty sure you sold the whole dating act to everyone in the restaurant. Let me go.”
“What?” He released me from his embrace. “Sold what? Matt, we’re celebrating the fact that you’re officially in a relationship again.” He picked up a magazine off the table and waved it in the air.
I grabbed it to see what he was talking about. Poppy and I were making out on the front page. Or at least, it looked like we were. I’d gagged as much during that kiss as I had when Tanner just planted one on me. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“I’m going to give you two a moment,” the hostess said and quickly walked away.
“Damn,” Tanner said. “Now she’s going to think we’re not together.”
“Tanner everyone in the fucking restaurant thinks we’re together. You just kissed me.”
“I didn’t kiss you,” he said and sat down like he hadn’t just put his lips directly on mine.
I sat down too and leaned forward, hoping that a lower voice would make everyone stop staring at us. “What the fuck do you mean you didn’t just kiss me? I spoke in French and you literally tried to put your tongue down my throat.”
He laughed. “Gross. I don’t want my tongue anywhere near your tonsils. I was simply congratulating you with a platonic celebratory peck. And I feel sorry for you for never having received one in your few years on this earth.”
“You are so weird.”
“You’re weird,” he said, even though he didn’t look very insulted by my comment. “Americans are so basic.”
I laughed and shook my head. He was technically an American too.
“Next time I won’t congratulate you then. I’ll just sit here brooding eating my pastrami and bagels,” he said in an overexaggerated New York City accent, that sounded very mobstery. “Actually, I don’t think they have either of those things. Maybe a New York City style cheesecake for your basic ass.”
“Okay, I get it. I’m basic. Don’t kiss me again.”
Tanner sighed. “Don’t make it sound so gay. It wasn’t a gay thing. Now pretend we’re on a date so the waiters treat us the right way.”
“So don’t be gay? But be gay?”
“What? No. You’re just not getting it. We’re straight men on a fake gay date. Now let’s talk about your actual kiss. I thought you said you didn’t like Poppy? But you’re on the front page of a dozen tabloids right now giving her an un-congratulatory kiss. I need to meet her immediately. Please tell me you haven’t sealed the deal yet.”
“Gross. She made me do it.”
“Are you telling me she put hands on you without permission?” He looked very concerned as he leaned forward. “You can tell me.”
“No. What? Are you seriously asking me if I got raped?”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s true, blink twice. If you’re in a fragile state, I don’t mind talking to the police on your behalf. But if you could at least write down the details it would be helpful for the statement.”
I didn’t blink at all. “Poppy and I just made an arrangement.”
“Of the sexual variety? What was the contract like? I’d love to see it, just in case it gives me a few more ideas.”
“No, not of the sexual variety. She agreed to not hurt Scarlett as long as I pretend to date her.”
“Well that’s a boring contract.”
“I didn’t sign anything. It’s just a verbal agreement. Poppy wants to take over the family business and doesn’t think Mr. Pruitt will step down until she seems like she can handle the finances. She thinks dating me will show her uncle that she’s serious about every aspect of the business. And the deal is only going to last as long as it takes for her to take over for Mr. Pruitt.”
Tanner just stared at me. “So have you had sex with her yet or not?”
“I’m not going to sleep with her.”
“Oh.” Tanner sighed. “Well, what a waste of a congratulatory kiss.”
