She talks to herself too?
“Why didn’t you tell me he was gorgeous?!” Ash practically cried as she hit the hand drier button again.
“Then stop hiding in the bathroom and get out there!” said someone else.
I looked over to see where the other voice had come from. Ash’s phone was balancing precariously on the edge of the sink. I’m assuming this was her friend Chastity encouraging her through the speaker.
“I can’t go back out there! I look like a homeless person!”
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.
“I’m sure you don’t look homeless,” replied Chastity.
“I do. I’m wearing my binge-watching sweatshirt.”
“You are not,” gasped Chastity. “I told you to dress up! What is wrong with you?!”
“I don’t know!” Ash blotted the pit stains with more paper towels. “Seriously though, who is this guy, Chastity? He looks like he walked out of the pages of a magazine! You told me he wasn’t going to be cute. That this was just a practice run for getting back out there. You’re a dirty liar! Because he’s the definition of perfection and now he thinks I have some sort of explosive diarrhea because I’ve been in here for...”
“Fourteen minutes,” offered her friend. “He definitely thinks you shat your pants.”
“No!” Ash said and slammed her fist against the hand drier again. “Chastity, tell me how I can undo this?”
I cleared my throat.
Ash’s eyes grew round when she saw me. She slapped her phone off the counter instead of simply ending the call. Then for some reason she threw the sweatshirt on the ground like it was contraband. And then she yelped and put her hands directly onto her breasts to hide her bra.
I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it.
For a second I thought she was going to cry. Or scream. Instead she started laughing too. “This is the worst date in the history of dates,” she said, half sobbing through her laughter.
I couldn’t deny that fact. “It’s not off to a great start.”
“God, what is wrong with me? I’m half naked in a public restroom. I should be arrested.”
“Your secret is safe with me. How about you put your sweatshirt back on and meet me back out there?”
She laughed again. “Are you serious? You’re not going to report me?”
“I’m not going to report you. But I might report this place for pests. Did you just see that centipede run under the sink?”
Ash screamed at the top of her lungs and threw herself at me. “Save me!”
She almost knocked me over, but I somehow managed to catch her without slipping on the tiled floor.
She was half naked and pressed against me. Her breasts practically shoved in my face and somehow my hands had wound up on her ass.
“Is it gone?!” she shrieked.
“Um.” I tried to tilt my head to see. “I don’t see him.” Although I was very distracted by her breasts in my face.
“He could be anywhere by now. Centipedes are at the very top of my list of greatest fears. Why do they have so many legs? No bug should need so many legs when four or six are plenty.”
I laughed. “It’s fine, Ash. I don’t think he’s coming back out.”
“Okay.” But she didn’t let go of me. If anything, she gripped my shoulders even tighter.
It had been a long time since someone had needed me like this. I swallowed hard and put her down before I did something stupid like kiss this maniac.
