“In this case we are.”Unfortunately.“She’s married to one of my other friends.”
“Ah. Okay. I get it now. You’ve been feeling like a bit of a third wheel and are trying to find someone to go on double dates with?”
“Something like that.”
She nodded, seemingly content with my response. “Well, Matt, it’s nice to actually meet you. I’m Ash, by the way. Well, Ashley, but Ash for short. Ashley Dickson.” She cringed at her own name.
Which was fair. It was a pretty terrible last name. I used to know a kid with that last name. Joe “Cupcake” Dickson. That stupid son of a bitch. He’d dated Isabella. Tormented Brooklyn.Cupcake was at the top of my shit list. When did I start listing things? This girl was already rubbing off on me in a really weird way.
“Nice to meet you, Ash,” I said.
“God, now I’m trying to remember if I said anything weird to your friend while I thought it was you.”
Judging by how the date had started? I’d say that was very likely. But I was curious too. What had Penny said to this woman while pretending to be me? I thought back to my horrible profile she’d made. For all I knew, she’d told her about how I was the most eligible bachelor in the city. I needed to change the topic. “Are you ready to order?”
“Yes. Well, no. I don’t even have a menu. The hostess was really quite rude to me. She tried to kick me out of the restaurant.”
I tried not to laugh. Probably because Tamara was jealous that she wasn’t my date. I glanced over at the hostess stand. Tamara had been staring, but she quickly looked away.
“But it’s fine, you can just choose for me,” Ash said and pointed at my menu.
“You want me to pick what meal you’re having?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“But I don’t know anything that you like. Or if you’re a vegetarian or a vegan. Or what is it when you only eat fish?”
She laughed. “I don’t think that’s a thing. And I’m just a normal person.”
I really wasn’t sure about that. “What about allergies? Do you have any allergies?”
“No. Just order me something a normal person would order and I’ll be happy.”
Where did Penny find this chick? “Here, just look at the menu,” I said, trying to hand it to her.
At first she pushed it back, but she finally conceded. As she looked over the menu, an awkward silence enveloped the table.
I could have easily stopped it. I was quite good at small talk. But it was fun watching her literally squirm. It was like silence was driving her bonkers. Even though I was pretty sure she was crazy already.
The silence kept stretching until it looked like Ash was about to explode.
“Wow this place is fancy,” she finally said and closed the menu. “I don’t usually eat in places with tablecloths.”
“Mhm.”
She stared at me like she couldn’t believe that was the only thing I had to say. “I wish someone had told me it was fancy.”
“Didn’t you pick the place?” I asked. Was that what Penny had said? Or had Penny picked this place while pretending to be me?
“Oh. Um. No. Well, maybe it was my fault. I have a confession too and if I don’t tell you I’m going to start acting weird.”
She hadn’t started acting weird yet? Good God.
“My best friend Chastity made my dating profile. I told her not to. Actually, I begged her not to. But she insisted and…she was on the thing just as much as I was because she had access to my password. She intercepted several of the messages.”
I laughed. “You just gave me shit for my friend talking to you. When she was really probably just talking to your friend.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I was just surprised and I have no idea why my first instinct was to lie. But it was and here we are. Getting caught in a lie is on my list of fears too. So it’s better to just get ahead of it, don’t you think? Besides, it was me on the app half the time. And I saw all the messages. So it was kind of like it was me. Since I observed all of it after the fact.”
