“What? What is it? Is he back?”
“Something’swrong.”
My hand drags along the wall, the floorboards groaning under my weight. Each room carries a memory.From some point in our lives, knowing each other—whether as children, friends, or lovers—Sophie is as enduring in the foundation of this place as any other Marcello. When I open the door to my bedroom, now the master, the fact that she is in every inch of this room is too much.
I can’t go in there.
As I walk into my childhood bedroom, I am met with the nautical decor my mother insisted upon when I was growing up. I step inside and close the door behind me.
She’s here too. Sophie.
I stare at the memory of us, watching it play out before my eyes.
She’s sprawled on the bed, wrapped in a sheet that hugs every precious inch of her. My hands guide the hair back that’s shielding her face from my view. I juststared. I stared until she opened her eyes, my chest cracking wide open, too small to handle the amount of love that was building for her.
My lips tremble as I see her arms and legs winding around me, determined to make me laugh. And I did.
The smile I reserved for her was different. Unrestrained. I was madly in love. I couldn’t hide it.
Maybe that’s why everything went wrong.
Because here I am, standing in an empty, silent room. Our laughter is mere memory. Our short-lived happiness is just a piece of time. Like a man half-dead already, I shed my clothes, discarding them wherever I step. Splashing cold water on my face, I gaze at the man in the mirror, letting the shower run, fogging until I can no longer see my reflection.
Scalding water hits my face in a downpour.
The heat makes it easier to breathe. I can almost feel her arms winding around me from behind. I close my eyes, surrendering instantly to the dream.
“I'm here, Xavier. I'm right here.”
My throat constricts as I speak to a mirage of the woman Ilove, an apparition I know will disappear when I try to look at her. “Sophie.”
The warmth of her lips. I feel them upon the welts on my back. How vivid, how absolutely gutting the mind is.
“I can’t,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “I can’t take this. It’s too much.”
“You have a little girl down there. A group of people who love you. There is more to live for than just me.”
My hands flatten against the tile, the tightness in my chest unwinding. My breath escapes in sharp gasps as if I were inhaling toxic air. I shake my head, unable to endure this. No torture could compare to whatever this is.
It would kill you, wouldn’t it?You wouldn’t be able to take knowing you failed her. You sent her off on her own and let us find her?—
“I failed,” I whisper. “I failed you.”
Courtney’s futile attempt to change my mind comes to haunt me, making this worse.
“She’s safer there than she would be here.”
“That’s not true. She would have you if she was here!”
“Courtney—”
“You promised to protect her! You made vows—till death do you part!”
The water runs cold. I'm still standing in the same place, waiting to hear Sophie’s voice. Due to a mix of the past and my own conscience desperately trying to keep me sane, she returns, warmth against my back.
That finally does it.
I break in a violent way, pouring my agony into my hands.
