Before, I could face anything. Thieves. Murderers. Armies. Now, there are moments where I just lose breath, where my mind fogs, and I have to reach out for stability.
I grip a pillar, trying to regain oxygen.
She trusted me.
I told her she could. I told her I'd get her out.
I had to watch as they?—
As much as I wish I could block the images, the sounds, I know they’ll stay with me forever, searing guilt and shame into my memories that stem from my failure to get to her in time.
I just sent her to the airport, a mere hour after escaping what can only be described as hell. I’ve shoved her toward a new life where she will have to come to terms with everything that just happened to her—all alone, trying to cope with the horrors while still running for her life.
Dannazione. The kind of fear that impacts my veins, mypounding heart just imagining it… A foreign country, no one to protect her, no one to rely on. It’s nearly enough for me to race to my car and start the engine, nearly enough to chase after her, but I push through it.
There’s no way to brace myself for the shock of entering the cabin. All I can do is keep moving. I retrieve my wallet from the ground, forcing myself into the bathroom that still smells of her to grab her clothes.
On my way out, I press my lips to the wedding ring I once slipped onto her finger and lift my hand, placing it over the door hinge for safe keeping.
With one last glance at the cramped living room, I close the door, striding down the steps onto the grass. Retrieving a lighter from my pocket, I flick the edge for a flame, hearing tires crunch over the bare gravel.
I listen to the sound of boots approaching as my closest friend joins me by the fire, unable to tear my eyes away from the clothes she wore for months. I can still remember how that shirt looked clean, how it clung to her before we entered that goddamn restaurant in North Dakota.
Dante slumps against my car, his breath ragged. “You did everything you could, man.”
I haven’t felt my soul since she left. That should terrify me, but it doesn’t. “Not enough.”
“Bo will get her on that plane, X. You know that.”
“I do.”
Dante’s grip tightens on my shoulder, a steady pressure that borders on painful. “Man, justgo. Just follow her or go somewhere else. You know what they’ll do to you.”
“I’ve come to terms with what awaits me, Dante.”
He scowls at my indifference, my complete lack of regard for life. “I’ll bedamnedif I let you go back to your sick piece of shit father just to get wrecked?—”
I face him. No fear in my eyes. No urge to find solutions.I’m sure he can see it.Resolve. “All my life, I dreamed of her. I didn’t need anything else… That’s no longer the case.”
“X—”
“I want revenge.” I lift off the car, avoiding that backseat at all costs. “I’ll make him regretthe day he wished for a son.”
I haven’t hugged Dante since we were kids. Knowing this might be the last time I see him, I shake my head, thanking this man who is more a brother than a friend, realizing there’s only one thing left to do. “You’re fired.”
His eyes grow wide as I pull away from him. “Xavier.”
I open the door to the driver’s side, the creaking sound echoing the tension between us. “Propose to Mimi. She’s waited long enough.” I slide into the leather, turning on the ignition. “Tell Bo to get that stick out of his ass and live a little.”
“You’re out of your fuckin’ mind if you think?—”
“There are three envelopes in the cabin. One for each of you. It’s the only way I can think to thank you.”
“We’re not going anywhere, X. Not without you.”
“When I'm done with them,” I grab the door, “I won’t be worth protecting, Dante.”
As the thick tires squeal in reverse, Dante stares into the tinted windows, an interrogator unable to conceal the war within himself.
