“I…didn’t know that.”
“You were just someone, a beautiful woman who could hold her own and wouldn’t take my shit. I liked that about you. But it was the marks, the scars along your back, and your hesitance to show them to me that made it impossible to compare you to any of the others.”
I’m rosy pink by the compliments, by his candor. I tilt my head, wondering why he’s telling me this. Sensing the chill that runs through me, he holds out his arm for me to join him.
“The stitches…” I remind him.
He makes a face. “Oh, come on. They’re fine.”
I lower onto him, lifting my knees to find a comfortable place on his lap. He offers his coffee mug to me. The steamy ceramic feels great against my cold hands.
“Is there anything you miss? Of that time?”
“My doorman would wake me then, Darcy.” He kisses my shoulder, pushing back my hair. “To calls, and figures, and business. Now I get a smile. Blue eyes. These hands. A warm body to invite me near. I don’t miss a damn thing.”
Christ, I can’t take him being this agreeable, this affectionate, this early in the morning. It’s going to send me into overdrive. I set down the coffee mug on a small patio table and find better use for my hands—buried in his hair.
“You’re my husband,” I point out simply.
That time he’s talking about, I couldn’t even dream of uttering those words to him. He would have fled into the night at the mere thought. Benjamin’s eyes now don’t even falter in the slightest at the mention.
He traces the line of my throat lightly. “You’re my wife.”
“You’ll never have to be that man again.”
He nods. “No. A husband, yes. A father…”
My heart begins to slow, its beats strengthening with anticipation and hope. “A father? Wait, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying…no more birth control. No more condoms.” He clasps my face, searching my bewildered expression. “I’m saying we throw out caution and see what happens.”
Holy shit.
“You want that?”
“It will be hard. I will not go easy on you. Your safety will matter above all.”
I nod, finding it hard not to beam from ear to ear. It’s hard to believe. “You really mean it? You want this?”
“Yes.”
My mouth hangs open in disbelief. “Benjamin…”
“You’ll need to bear with me. My fears haven’t dissipated overnight. I have no rulebook to go by.”
“We’ll make our own.”
“I’ve prided myself on being able to give you the world. I refuse to deny you the only thing you’ve ever asked for.”
An unspoken promise in the air hangs the longer we’re still, embedding the decision deep into our marrow. I’m unsure as to his thoughts, other than what he’s showing me. True to the man I fell for, his eyes show mostly decision, a resolution that he’s found a way to understand and accept.
My thoughts are on the secret moments he shared with his sister when he thought I was out of earshot. The confessions he spoke to her, his reluctance to attempt to conceive again. Remembering the way he broke down beside her reminds me how monumental this change of heart, or rather change of mind, is.
He holds me like I were the world.
He’s injured; my body is weak.
It doesn’t matter.
