“So, how’s work, Darcy?”
I look up as I push in my chair. “It’s fine.”
“I heard about your promotion. You’re moving up, girl. Soon you’ll be as renowned as this one over here.” She points to Ben, and he rolls his eyes.
“I don’t know about that, but it’s definitely the job of a lifetime for me.”
“Yeah, I’m taking off a couple of months starting the beginning of August. I don’t want any stress before the birth. I read somewhere that exercise is good for the baby, so I’ve started these morning walks. It’s actually refreshing.”
I finish off my drink, setting the glass down. It lands with a louder thud than I anticipated. “Really?”
“Becca—”
I hear the wary warning in Benjamin’s tone and refuse to look over his way.
“Yeah, I used tohateexercising too. I would force myself to do sit-ups in the morning, but other than that, no way. You should definitely try some exercises soon. You’re what? Two months Ben said? I can only imagine how excited you must be.”
Her hand rubs her extended belly tenderly, loving the child growing within.
I look away from her so fast I hear my neck crack.
I can’t. I can’t do this.
I shoot up out of my chair in a flash, stuttering through an excuse.
“I…I…my head is hurting. I’m just going to go take some medicine.”
“Okay,” Rebecca replies.
Benjamin’s eyes are full of concern and knowledge. I lock myself into the guest bathroom and slide down onto the tile.
It shouldn’t be this hard. I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. How will I see other mothers, children? How will I see them and not be able to imagine what I’ve lost?
This pain is foreign to me. I’ve never experienced anything like it before.
I stop breathing and look up from my lap when I hear a hurried whisper come from Benjamin. “Please, Bec, just for now, can you not talk about the baby?”
“What? Why?”
“I should have told you before you even got here.” There’s a long pause. “We lost the baby in the accident.”
Welost the baby.
My lip quivers, and the rest of me threatens to break.
She gasps. “Oh God, Ben! And you let me go on like that?”
“I don’t know if she wants you to know right now. I feel shitty asking you to tone it down today, but she’s going through a lot.”
“Oh my God, of course I won’t. Why wouldn’t she tell me?”
“Darcy is used to handling things on her own. She raised herself, so I think she’s so accustomed to dealing with everything on her own she can’t let anyone else see the full picture. And then when it overflows and she can’t keep anything back, she’s completely tormented, completely fucked up.”
“Poor girl.”
“I haven’t even seen her cry about it. I have no idea what to do. I’m so worried I’m going to upset her.”
“Ben, I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine what you guys are going through. The accident, and then this…”
