CHAPTER ONE
“Well, MissFontaine, you’re finally reborn. You can leave all that past bullshit far behind you.” Kevin grins, slinging a strong arm around my shoulder as we stride down the steep steps of the courthouse. It took more strength than I thought I had to enter the building and even more to request to permanently change my name for good. The love I have for my parents is strong, but the attachment to the man whose blood is on my hands outweighs the need to keep their name. I spent my time hiding and paying for circumstances that were forced upon me.
No more.
“So, where do you want to eat? We’ll celebrate,” Kevin persists after my long silence.
If this was a year ago, he and I would conquer the town, and I wouldn’t feel an ounce of uncertainty. If this was a year ago, I’d still be naïve to harsh realities. Instead, my days are spent either face deep in work or trapped in memories of times I’d very much like to forget.
It makes it hard to celebrate something like this.
“I wish I could. I have to get some work in today.”
“You’re always working,” he complains, glaring under light lashes.
“This job is kicking my ass,” I gripe as Kevin reaches up to hail a cab. “But—”
“But you love it. I’m well aware.” He grips the handle of the checkerboard door and slides onto the worn leather beside me. “I just miss you is all.”
Knowing I’m constantly hot and cold, forcing him to endure my fluctuating temperatures, guilt supersedes my indifference.
“Look, we’ll go out this week. We’ll party like we’re in our twenties.”
“Wearestill in our twenties, Darcy.”
“That’s my point. We deserve a night to go a little crazy.”
“Just us?”
It surprises me to hear that, considering he and Doug are nearly inseparable as of late. In the weeks that I’ve been reacquainting myself with the world, and with my man, I’ve definitely noticed that Kevin hardly sees his apartment anymore, and his talk of the opposite sex has ceased altogether. That can only mean one thing: commitment.
“Sure, yeah, it can be just us. Are you and Doug okay?”
“Yeah, we’re fine. I just want some good old fun with my girl.”
He circles his arm around my shoulder and squeezes. The city is abuzz outside. The infamous New York traffic is nearly at a standstill, the sidewalks crowded with businessmen and women. Vendors are parked on the corners of the blocks, and construction workers dangle along the new high rises that have magically appeared seemingly overnight.
“I’ve been seeing a lot of Ben in the papers lately,” Kevin interjects into our peace.
“He’s on a roll, expanded to nearly half the world now. He’s in Taiwan at the moment.”
“Christ, man. That’s crazy. When do you even see him?”
“I see him plenty. He’s returning Friday.”
“And are you guys living together yet?”
I look down to contain my disappointment. “No, we agreed to wait a little bit for that.”
Weeks ago, it felt wrong to just jump right back into his world. Moving in seemed to both of us like a leap into something we knew wasn’t smart. I expected we’d devote our time to our relationship and eventually reach the place where we were before, when we couldn’t go even one night apart.
That place hasn’t been reached yet, to my everlasting worry.
He raises a sharp brow, pursing his lips. “Why? I think what you two need is close proximity right now. He shouldn’t be on business trips, and you shouldn’t be living at your desk.”
I can always count on Kevin to never sugarcoat anything.
“It’s just I was given this job, literallygiven, and I can’t ask him to back away from his work either. He accomplished so much while I was…away. I can’t ask that of him.”
