The urge to say ‘it’s okay’, or ‘it’s not your fault’, is on the tip of my tongue, but I bite it and say nothing, because it’s not okay. And while it’s not all her fault, she chose to stop being a mother, as if she had no children left.
“I want you to know that I’m in this for the long haul this time. I’m determined to get better. To get healthy and get my life back. I’d never ask you to be there when I get out, but I want you to know that I’d love it if you were. I’d love to start over, to build something. Anything. I’ll take anything, Colton. Even if it’s an occasional phone call.”
“Stop,” I say, my voice breaking as I raise my hand.
She stops talking, biting her bottom lip as it wobbles, expecting the worst from me.
“I’m not going to give you the occasional phone call, Mom.”
She blinks a few times, and nods. “Okay.” Her voice is low and sad. “I understand.”
“No, you don’t.” It’s my turn to take her hands in mine. “I love you, Mom. Even when you were at your lowest, I loved you. All I wanted was for you to get better, to have the mom I knew and loved back.
“I’ve been holding out hope for years. And I’ll be honest, I lost it for a while. So, seeing you here, getting better, getting healthy, it makes me so happy. It’s hard not to get my hopes up, and I really hope it sticks this time.
“So, I’m giving you one last chance. Keep working on yourself, get better, and keep trying. And I’ll be here waiting in that parking lot the day you get out. From there, it’s up to you to keep that connection going.”
“Really?” Her eyes light up, like I just offered her the world. “I promise, Colton. I won’t make you regret giving me this chance.”
“Actions, Mom. Words mean nothing to me anymore.”
She nods firmly. “Actions.”
“I should get going.”
“Okay,” she says, looking disappointed.
“Ahh, I’ll call you this weekend?”
Her smile is back. “I’d love that.”
We both stand and she looks at me hesitantly. So I pull her into my arms and hug her, like I know she needs.
She clings to me like she’s never going to see me again. I don’t blame her, with me ignoring her for so long. But I hope she understands why.
There’s still so much I want to say to her, to get off my chest, but now is not the time. One step at a time is what this is going to take.
As I walk back towards my car, the heavy weight that's been sitting on my chest lifts, and for the first time in a while, I feel like I can breathe again.
Maybe having this kind of hope and outlook for the future isn’t the best idea, but I’m giving my mom the benefit of the doubt.
Life is too short, and I’ve already lost so much.
I just hope I don’t end up regretting it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“Why are we even here again?” I grumble as we park in the church’s parking lot. This place is packed and there are press vans out front.
Rylee sighs, closing the visor mirror after checking her makeup.
“You look beautiful, baby girl.” She bites her bottom lip. “Fuck, don't do that, Rylee. You've had me hard since the moment you left your room. Sabrina and Serenity really dolled you up.”
Donny pops his head between the two front seats. “Later, Cherry, I want you to ride me,” he mutters, moving in to kiss along her neck.
“Donny,” she moans as he nibbles on her ear, and I laugh.
“I can't believe you chose to wear that,” I say, shaking my head as his hand reaches forward to play with Rylee's tits. They are bulging from the tight red dress she's wearing. She's so fucking hot, but her recent stress eating has given her curves that I can't wait to sink my teeth into.
