And I’ve felt more pain than they will ever truly know. The tears break free, sliding down my cheeks.
“He looked miserable, like someone who’s given up on life. I felt bad. It hurt to see him like that. And when he told me he still loved me, how much he missed me, and how it killed him to be away from us, yeah, I broke, okay? I let him kiss me, and I let him take things further. The moment it was done, I realized what had happened, and I felt like shit because I cheated on you.”
“No, you didn’t.” Donny is the one to answer.
“What?” I blink the tears away, wiping at my eyes.
“You didn’t cheat. Lennox is stupid as fuck, we all know that. What he did was one of the most fucked up things. But when it comes to Lennox, being with him in that way isn’t cheating.”
Donny shrugs. “Maybe my logic is messed up, but to me, Lennox will always be one of us. And maybe I’m hoping that he pulls his head out of his ass, leaves that evil bitch, and comes back to us. Because I might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but even I can see that the man hates that bitch. I can’t be the only one who knows he’s only with her because of the baby.”
“She slept with someone who she’s not in a relationship with,” Mateo growls, betrayal in his eyes.
“He’s not just anyone.” Colton speaks next, surprising me even more. “I kind of agree with Donny. Do I like it? No. Am I going to see it as cheating? Also no. Because we all know that if Lennox groveled his ass off and proved to us that he was sorry, we would forgive him.”
“He cheated on us!” Mateo shouts, jumping to his feet.
Fear that he’s going to hate me takes over, and I have to hold back the fresh wave of tears that want to break free. I know if I let them loose, I won’t be able to pull them back in easily.
“I know, okay!” My voice raises. “He hurt us so fucking much. And I hate myself for being weak in that moment and giving in. I was so fucking wrong. Because I don't forgive him for what he did to us. What he did to this family. But everything hurts so fucking bad.”
My voice cracks as I rub at my chest. “He was there, in my face, telling me things I’ve wanted to hear. I let someone who I’m still crazy about break me enough to have that weak moment. It shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again. I panicked because he’s going to marry that bitch, the same bitch who made it her life’s fucking mission to destroy me. Maybe part of me wanted to take that back, to hit her where it hurts.”
I laugh, standing as I shake my head. “And in the end, she won again, since here we are, fighting, because I’m the whore that she’s always saying I am.”
“Stop it.” Trevor steps around the table, and I’m glad that the dining hall is empty right now, or this would be a lot worse. All I need is someone overhearing and running to that bitch like a little rat.
“You're not a whore, okay. This whole thing is fucked up. We can all see that Lennox hates Missi. I’m glad it’s not just me. He’s with her because he feels like he has to be. Like it’s his obligation because she’s having his baby. And yes, that’s fucked up all on it’s own because he cheated on the both of you,” he says, lookingbetween me and Mateo. “But anyone with eyes can see that he regrets it. That he still loves the two of you. I see how he looks at you both when he thinks no one is watching. That man is dying without you.”
“What if he didn’t cheat?” Colton says.
We all stop and stare at him. “I’m sorry, did he just trip and his dick fell inside that witches’ moldy cunt?” Mateo growls.
“He was drunk as fuck that night,” Donny adds in.
“That doesn’t excuse his actions," Trevor says.
“No.” Donny deflates. “You're right.”
“I’m not saying he didn’t have sex with Missi.” Colton frowns. “I’m saying, what if Missi blackmailed him into it?”
“What the fuck would she have over him to blackmail him into it?” Mateo demands.
“I don’t know.” Colton throws his hands in the air. “It's Missi. That bitch is worse than a hound dog when it comes to sniffing out things that she could use against people. Could be any number of things. You know his family is shady. So is yours.” He looks at Mateo. “You’ve got some skeletons in your closet too.” He glances at Donny. “And when it comes to you.” Colton looks at me. “He’ll do just about anything to protect you.” He looks at Mateo again. “And you.”
“What are you saying?” I whisper, my mind going back to that night with him. He was trying to tell me something. What if this was it? Why he was with Missi in the first place?
“I think we’ve all been so blinded by the betrayal of someone we saw as our brother." He looks at Donny. “And our lover.” His attention goes back to me and Mateo. “That we didn’t stop and think about why he did it. Not to mention, we’ve been so caught up in our own personal bullshit, we just looked for the easiest thing to take our anger out on.”
“Stop.” Mateo shakes his head. “Stop it. You're just making excuses for him. Don’t.”
“I think, what we should be doing is getting that fucker alone and demand he spill everything. Colton is right. We just cut him off, didn’t give him the chance to explain himself,” Donny says.
“He didn’t deserve one!” Mateo roars, swiping everything off the table. “He slept with our fucking enemy. He didn’t deserve a chance to talk his way out of it.”
My heart breaks as Mateo storms out of the room.
“I’ll go,” I tell Donny as he goes to follow. Getting up from the table, I rush after Mateo.
