“Rylee?” Mom asks, concern thick in her voice. “Baby, what's wrong?”
She’s kneeling next to me, her hand rubbing up and down my back.
“I’m fine,” I croak out after the last bit of food has made its way out of me. Groaning, I flush the toilet and stumble to my feet, so I can splash some water onto my face.
“Rylee, you’re not fine. You’ve been puking on and off all summer. The stress is getting to you, and it’s not healthy.”
I take a deep breath, hanging my head as I take a moment to get myself together. “I know it's not.” I look up at her in the mirror, before turning to face her and leaning against the counter. “I was scrolling on Instagram and I saw something that set me off, okay? I’ve been doing good. Keeping myself busy, and doing my best to keep my mind off things, but clearly, it’s just a temporary fix. I’m delusional to think I can just pretend nothing is going on, when reality is ready to slap me in the face at any time.”
“Honey.” Mom steps forward and rubs my arms in a comforting motion. “You can’t ignore your problems. I know what you are all going through is hard. You're all hurting, andrightfully so, but don’t you think that should be something you all work on together, rather than apart? You're a team, a little family, you should be able to lean on the guys.”
“I do,” I insist, but the look she gives me tells me she’s not buying it. “Okay, well, I want to. But Donny and Colt have things going on outside of Lennox, and Mateo didn’t just lose a friend, he lost a lover too.”
“But so did you,” she says softly.
“Yes, but I have four other lovers to lean on.” I throw my hand in the air. “I shouldn’t be moping around like it’s the end of the world when I have other men who love me. I should be lucky and grateful.”
“You are grateful, but that doesn’t change the fact that Lennox was someone you loved. Maybe even still love?”
I bite my lip, trying not to cry, because of course I still love him. It’s not something that will just go away overnight. Hell, with each passing day, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to get over him.
I’m the kind of person that when I fall, I fall hard, leaving a lingering imprint on my damn heart and soul.
“Rylee. I’m going to ask you something, and I don’t want you to lie to me, okay?”
“Okay?” My brows furrow, not sure where this change in conversation is going.
“I’ve noticed you haven’t drank anything this summer. I know Mateo is staying away from alcohol, but the others have had a few drinks. Are you staying away from it in support of Mateo, or because of something more?”
My heart starts to race as tears well in my eyes.
“Oh, honey.” Mom lets out a heavy sigh, before pulling me into her arms.
That's all it takes for me to lose it. I start to cry, letting it all out as my mom holds me. I needed this more than I knew.
She murmurs soft words of support as she rubs my back, telling me everything is going to be okay.
When the tears start to slow, she pulls back and wipes my eyes. “How far along?”
“I don’t know.” I sniff. “When I went in for blood work, the doctor said I was around three weeks based on the date of my last period. So, that should put me around five now.”
“My baby is having a baby.” Tears fill her eyes.
“Are you mad?” I ask, sounding like a little girl who is worried she’s going to disappoint her mom.
“No, baby. I'd never be mad. Are you happy about this?”
“I don’t know what I am,” I say honestly. “I haven’t really allowed myself to let it sink in, you know? Once I got out of the depressive funk of the first week after everything with Lennox, I jumped right into being so worried about the guys and taking care of them. I felt guilty about being so distant, and wanted to fix that.”
“I’m going to guess that the guys have no idea? Because knowing those men of yours, they would be hovering over you like a mama bird.” She smiles.
“No.” Guilt hits me like a ton of bricks.
“Why not? Do you think they would be upset?”
“No,” I say again. “I think they would be happy. But it’s also a big life change. I don’t want to add something else to their plate when they’re already dealing with so much.”
“You have to tell them, Rylee. Keeping something like this from them is only going to hurt them more in the long run. They love you. You need to trust them to make their own decisions.’
