Before long, we are pulling into the zoo’s parking lot, and I don’t want to let go of the wheel. Robin opens the passenger side door and climbs out. She looks back at me.
“Hand me my purse?” she asks, pointing to the brown bag on the floorboard. Sighing, I turn the car off and lean over to grab it.
“Thanks. Now, let’s go see some animals and you can tell me what’s been going on. I’ll even buy you an ice cream if you’re good,” she says with a smile.
First the zoo, now ice cream? What's the catch? Does she know something I don’t? Am I dying and this is her breaking the news to me or something?
Nodding, I decide to go along with whatever she has planned, because why the hell not?
She reminds me of my mom in some ways, and my chest aches at the hole left there. I miss my mom, and my dad. If only they were still here. Then I wouldn’t be so fucked in the head.
I follow her to the admission stand, and I don’t argue when she pays. Considering her fee for counseling, she has more than enough money. Plus, this was her idea, not mine. Not that I’m complaining.
We walk down the ramp toward the food court and stop at the small coin machine. I have always put a penny in and cranked the wheel, and this time won’t be any different.
I dig in my pocket for some change, then place it inside the slots. I wait for the light to turn green at the top, then turn the wheel.
Robin is quiet, observing me, and I let her. At least, she's not taking notes here. I feel lighter being away from her office. Plus, I have really good memories of this place.
The wheel stops and my penny falls into the slot.Yes! It’s a tiger.I pocket it.
Giving her a quick look, I reach into my pocket and grab more change for the machine before cranking the wheel again.
This time, it’s a monkey, and for a moment, I debate on keeping this one too, but I don’t. Turning to face her, I hold the coin out for her.
She smiles. “Thank you.” Accepting it, she puts it in her purse.
Ready to get this zoo trip started, I turn and push open the double doors. The afternoon heat smacks me in the face as I walk along the path to the monkeys.
“What’s your favorite animal?” I ask Robin.
She points down a path and smiles. “The elephants. I went to a circus once and fell in love with them. Even got to ride one.”
I nod, because it’s a good answer. “I like the tigers the best,” I reply, letting her know mine.
“Majestic, confident, powerful predators.” She nods her head. “They take care of their family at any cost. I can see why you’d like them,” she muses, then walks off toward the pond with the large birds.
“My mother passed away when I was in middle school. My father was a good man, but he worked a lot, so I lived with my aunt. She tried her best, but she had her demons. I like to come here some days and sit on that bench and just watch the swans. I see myself in you, Donny. I am not your typical, stuffy therapist. I want to help children and adults who have suffered through unimaginable things.”
I scuff my feet as I walk over to the bench and sit. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Tears are welling behind my lids, and I don’t want them to fall. I am so fucking tired. Not just from my lack of sleep, but life in general. If it wasn’t for Rylee, Colton, Mateo, and even Trevor, I don’t think I’d still be here.
Lennox didn’t only break Rylee and Teo’s hearts, he shattered me too. He ripped apart my family.
A little boy runs by us with a blue balloon on a string, and a frantic mother chases after him. “I once pictured a future like that,” I mutter, and Robin turns to face me. “A wife and kids. For a short while, I thought maybe I would have it, but now Lennox has left, and started his own family with the wicked bitch of the west.” I sigh and run my hand over my face.
“Why do you think that dream's over, Donny? I know you miss your friend, but from what you've told me, you still have Rylee and the others. Has something changed since last week?”
I shake my head and groan. “No, shit is still the same amount of fucked, except Mateo keeps disappearing. I caught him sneaking in the other morning, drunk off his ass with a bloody lip.
“Rylee's distant still, and I know she has a lot on her mind, but every time I ask if she's okay, she lies, puts on a fake smile for my benefit, and blows off my concern. I miss her. I miss the way things were. I… I don’t know what I'll do if I lose her.” A tear escapes the corner of my eye.
Robin takes my hand, giving it a small squeeze. “Time. Some need more than others. Maybe try getting away for a few days. A change of scenery. It seems to me you all need to bond in your new setting. Lennox left, but for the rest of you, you're still together, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, as far as I know we are. Rylee's it for me. She keeps the bad thoughts away. The darkness can't thrive when her light is near. I need her, but I don't want to be clingy. I don't want to risk pushing her away.”
“And that right there, Adonis Baros, shows me that you are healing. I know things are messy right now, but you have grown leaps and bounds since the boy who entered my office a few short months ago.”
“Does that mean I get a reward?” I joke, then frown. My emotions are all over the place, and I feel guilty for even smiling.
