And yet he’d just been reminded how toxic his true bloodline was. Willow wouldn’t have sent that sample if Jeremiah had been anyone else—anyone besides a son of de Lorean. That hurt, but it was logical. You can’t dip good water from a poisoned well.
Dammit, Lily deserved better. He was going to let her fall in love with him and then leave her behind in the end, and he knew it. But he was out of goodness, out of nobility, out of ideals, and he didn’t think he could turn away from that look in her eyes one more time. Not now that they’d been together once. Not now that he knew what he was missing.
He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Another hour, and he’d head down to meet her on the front porch. To choose freaking light fixtures. And he was going to be with her again, if she was still willing. He wouldn’t make promises, he wouldn’t talk about the future, he’d make sure she understood that he had nothing to offer her beyond the moment.
He paced. The time dragged. He brushed his teeth. His beard was coming in, but he thought she liked the extra shadow on his face in the afternoon. A couple of times, she’d run her hands over his bristly cheeks in a way that made him think so.
He took out the guitar, sat on the bed and tried to work on a song he’d started, but he wasn’t feeling it. His emotions were tangled and knotted and he had no idea how to sort them out.
His phone rang and he checked. Angelo Barrone, his manager. It occurred to him how good it was not to feel dread when he saw the caller ID. Every time Ang called lately, it had been with good news. Maybe he’d have something else to celebrate with Lily tonight.
Lily donned a long sweater with deep pockets in deference to the nighttime chill, over jeans and her favorite bedroom slippers. Grabbing her iPad, she left her bedroom, pulled the door closed without making a sound, and tiptoed to the stairway. She didn’t want the Elder-Brands getting ideas.
Although, they already knew there was something going on between her and Ethan. The whole clan knew.
She sighed, crossing the living room floor to the front door. It was open, with just the screen door closed. The soft strum of Ethan’s guitar wafted through, and she smiled at the sound till he hit a bad chord and swore under his breath.
She lowered her head and pushed the screen door open. It creaked its special creak that had etched itself into her brain with all the time she’d spent at the ranch. That sound said, “Welcome home. You’re among family here.” She hoped Garrett never got around to oiling the hinge and taking the ranch house’s voice away.
She stepped out and closed both doors behind her, so she and Ethan wouldn’t wake anyone with their voices.
The strumming stopped and Ethan got up off the porch swing and leaned his guitar against the railing.
“I didn’t know if we were still on for this,” she said, “with everything else.” She only looked at him for a second, then crossed the porch to lean on the railing, arms straight, eyes on the layers of color in the sky. Night had fallen. The sky was turning from purple to blue to indigo, meeting the rolling meadows and trees. A full moon was just beginning to crest the distant horizon. The night air smelled of horses, dry Texas ground, and the yellow roses blooming nearby. “Figured I’d enjoy coming out, either way.”
He came to stand beside her, but he didn’t say anything, and when she turned to search his face, he didn’t return her gaze. He looked out at the view, like she’d been doing. But she didn’t think he was really seeing it.
“Is everything…okay?” she asked.
He shook his head, still not looking at her.
She pressed a palm to his cheek to turn him her way, then she searched his eyes, and thought they might have been moist. Over a brother he’d never known he had?
“I’m so sorry, Ethan. It’s no wonder if you’re messed up.”
He took a deep breath, then he said, “I sent you the options we have to go over.” He nodded toward the iPad, lying atop the porch rail.
Lily frowned. “Don’t you think we should talk first?”
He shook his head slightly. “About what? My half-brother is apparently a killer. Runs in the family. If I wasn’t expectin’ that, I should’ve been. Blood will tell, isn’t that what they say?”
“It didn’t in you.” His attitude surprised her and ticked her off a little bit. He was acting almost flippant. Like he was working really hard not to give a single damn about his brother, what he was or wasn’t, what he’d done or hadn’t, why he’d run away when Ethan had come to meet him.
“I’m not a lawbreaker, it’s true. Raised by a lawman, so that stands to reason. But I’m still an asshole.” He finally met her eyes, gazed into them, and then shook his head sadly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ethan. You’re a good man.”
He sighed. Then, “Why don’t you open the file I sent, and let’s make some choices?” He pushed off the railing, meeting her eyes only briefly, flashing a fake-as-hell smile, then returning to his spot on the porch swing, more distant than he’d been since they’d made love on the riverbank.
He had a glass of something on the little table next to the swing. Whiskey, maybe. She rarely saw him drink anything other than beer, and she’d never seen him drunk or even tipsy.
His voice was a little gravelly, but if he didn’t want to share his feelings, she supposed she couldn’t make him. She reached for her iPad, went to sit beside him on the swing. A few taps and there were four different table options on her screen. Each type had multiple color options.
Okay fine, business it was. “We haven’t talked about color scheme,” she said. “But since our tacos will be world famous, and in honor of Manny, and us being so close to the border, I was thinking we should keep the green, white, and red.”
He nodded. “I was thinkin’ the same.”
“The tables and chairs we took out of there and stored are so old you can’t match them anymore. Besides, they’re kind of…” She made a face.
