My voice fractures on a broken breath, her statement poking holes in places it shouldn’t. “Nicks…”
She presses both hands to her heart, gazing up at me with conviction. “Nobody’s perfect, Lex. Nobody always does the right thing at the right time. But we learn. We grow. With every blow, every setback, we become better people,” she says. “I can’t pretend to understand the things you’ve been through, the horrors you’ve seen. But you still know how to feel, how to love, how to make people smile, and that’s beautiful.” Tears spill down her pearly cheeks. “Look at your charity, at all the people you’re helping. And my bedroom. You transformed it into something you knew I’d love, something that reminded you of me, just because you cared. Because you wanted to make me happy.” She swipes at her face, but she can’t keep up with the sorrow leaking from her eyes. “And what you did when you left…after the accident.”
My heart stutters.
I stare at her, the words ricocheting through me. “What are you talking about?”
She bites her lip, glancing down at the floor. “The DUI.”
What?
How the fuck does she know about that?
Our eyes meet.
Stevie takes a step closer, licks the salt from her lips. “You did something to get the charges dropped. Made some kind of deal. You told me last night, when you were—”
“Fuck.” I blow out a hard breath, spinning around and facing the window.I cup a loose hand over my jaw, closing my eyes. She’s not supposed to know about that. She was never supposed to know.
“Lex—”
“You think that makes me a fucking saint?” I whirl back around. “Jesus, Stevie, I did it because it was theleastI could do. You lied for me, almost ruined your entire life, and for what?” I slam a finger to my chest and shake my head. “I almost killed you because I fell asleep at the goddamn wheel with my best friend in the passenger’s seat.”
Her lip wobbles, words trembling. “I did it because I care too. Because I needed to protect you.”
“And now I’m protecting you. I never should have brought you into this. It’s tearing me the fuck apart.” My voice breaks, cracks into smithereens. “Stevie, listen to me. You have to get on that plane. Go live your life. Be with your family, surround yourself with everything I could never give you—peace, safety, happiness—and…” The words barely make it past my throat. “Fall in love.”
“Lex,” she whispers, tears streaming down her face. “I already am.”
The world tilts.
I stare at her, frozen, before my eyes close tight. My hands tremble, hanging uselessly at my sides. I feel my pulse roaring in my ears, drowning out every thought except—
“No.”
“Yes,” she chokes, her hands reaching for me, pulling me closer. “Lex, yes.”
My eyelids flutter open, and I find her staring back, eyes glistening like shattered emeralds. I take her wrists, shaking my head, refusing to accept what she’s saying.
She can’t love me.
It’s not possible. We’renot possible.
Stevie’s gaze locks on my face, and a broken sob escapes her lips.
Hot tears spill down my cheeks.
I’ve only cried twice in my life that I can remember. Once as I was walking off the set of my first major television show, forced to say goodbye to all the animals I loved, my costars, the good people who had my back. I was only ten. Just a child.
And then again after the accident.
I knew I’d lost her. My only lifeline had been severed at the quick, all by my own doing. I cried my heart out in the front seat of my sports car, slamming my fists against the wheel, screaming my agony into the cold, blizzardy night.
“Goddammit, Nicks. This is killing me.” I take her face in my hands, lifting her head, needing to see her eyes. Her truth. “You want this life? And I don’t just mean me. I mean all this. The media, the paparazzi, the cameras, the nonstop traveling, your entire existence in the public eye. Your family in the spotlight. Do youreallywant that? Because that’s what comes along with me.” I squeeze her, holding her gaze, forcing my words to eclipse the stars in her eyes. “It’s not pretty. It’s not soft. It’s a fucking curse.”
Her eyes flicker, just for a second…but I see it.
The hesitation, the uncertainty—it’s all right there, and it hits me harder than any answer she could give.
