A frown mars his brows. He takes a step toward me, his eyes giving me a brief once-over. “I don’t know, Stevie. One minute, you’re saying I’m using you, and you’re looking at me like you absolutely hate me, then the next minute, I’m buried deep inside you.”
“I don’t hate you.” Erotic memories heat back to life, painting electrifying pictures in my brain. My face burns. “It’s…messy.”
“Yeah,” he says. “Little bit.”
“What doyouwant?”
He blows out a breath. “I don’t fucking know. I have no experience with any of this. You’re the first person I’ve ever…” The words evaporate, his face conflicted. “This career…you. I don’t know how to juggle both. I don’t know how to protect you, how to keep you safe from my mother, the tabloids, the social media witch hunts, and all the things that will spin you inside out and turn you into someone new. Someone you don’t evenrecognize anymore.”
Webs of heat tangle inside me.
I stare at him, not knowing what to say.
“I’ve spent years building walls around myself, keeping everything out, because if I don’t, I’m done. Fucking finished.” His voice cracks. “But then you…”
“Lex.” I reach for him. Taking both of his hands, I draw him toward me until we’re chest to chest. My hands lift, cupping his cheeks, forcing his eyes on mine. “Lex, look at me. Please. I know what this is doing to you, and I never wanted that. I never wanted you to hurt.” I graze my thumbs against his skin. “I’m sorry for the things I said last night. That’s not how it should have happened. I’m trying to understand this life you live, why you’re so—”
“Fucked up.”
“No.” I pull his forehead against mine and murmur back, “Sad.”
His eyes fall closed, our foreheads drawn, as he battles all the things I don’t know how to help him overcome. But the contact is brief, painfully short, and Lex untangles himself from me with a hopeless exhale.
He backs away, stabbing a hand through his hair. “Maybe we should take some time to think about this.”
I choke out a shaky breath. “About what specifically?”
“The future. The next step. Emotions were high, you were pissed off at me, and everything reached a boiling point.”
“Was that…um…” Heart pounding, I flick a piece of hair out of my eyes and brave his stare. “Was that somethingyouwanted? You asked about me, but I want to make sure I didn’t cross any boundaries or push your limits or make you feel—”
“Of course I wanted it,” he cuts me off, voice firm. “You had to have known I did.”
“It’s just, with your history…I want to be sure. I need you to feel safe with me.”
“That’s never been an issue, Nicks.”
I nod, relieved. “Is it something you want to do…again?”
His jaw ticks, eyes dark and gleaming, attention locked on my face. “I’d belying if I said no.”
My thighs clench.
I imagine him taking me again, in his bed, worshiping me, cool sheets coiled around sticky limbs, his face twisted with pleasure as my thighs cling to thrusting hips and he groans his release into my ear.
It feels so simple.
I have feelings for him. Strong feelings. Those feelings never went away, not ever, and now he’s so close, standing right in front of me, and I can’t piece together any words to promise him that we will be okay. All I can muster is “So you don’t regret it?” Fire burns a hole through the center of my chest. “You don’t regret what happened?”
“I regret a hell of a lot of what happened.” Lex moves forward, grazing the backs of his fingers along my cheekbone, emotion heavy in his eyes. “But definitely not that.”
I tip my head back, eyelids fluttering.
Sighing through his nose, he steps away, his hand dropping from my face. “Get your bagels,” he murmurs, glancing down at the floor. “I’ll be in the shower.”
The air whooshes out of me when he stalks past, heading to the staircase. I part my lips to say something, to call after him, but again, my response is elusive. Impossible to catch.
My mouth snaps shut, sealing in invisible words and addled breaths.
