My baby.Where is my baby?The throbbing in my chest, growing, growing, growing.
Isaad is talking again: “We must get out of here.For both their sakes.”
A hollow laugh.“You think I don’t know that?I have no control over these things—”
“You are a doctor; you have contacts!You’re more powerful than you think.”
“I can’t—”
“Please, I will give you anything.Money?I’m a mathematician.I have a notebook of original theorems, proofs.I’ll hand them over to you.My life’s work.It’s worth something.In certain circles, it is priceless—”
“Don’t insult me—”
“Please.I’m begging you.My wife.My daughter.I beg you…”
A hoarse, choking sound.
I see him again.Habib.My cousin is right there, standing behind them.I see his triumphant smile.He has a knife, raising it up high.“Did you not think we’d figure out what your bitch mother had done?What you did?Two halves of one whole.You’ll pay, you will all pay—”
I scream.Am screaming.But they don’t hear, don’t see, don’t move out of the way…
Zahra, I love you.
Zahra, I’m sorry.
Zahra, I love you.
Zahra, I’m so, so sorry.
“Shhh,” the nurse tells me, a cool cloth upon my brow.“Rest now.Shhh…”
“Is she dead?My baby.Where is she—”
“Calm yourself, khwahar jan.Close your eyes, rest your body and mind so you can return to your family.”
“I killed him.I killed them.I knew.I knew what would happen, but I did it anyway.For my mother.I remember exactly how they treated her.For her, I finished what she started.”
“Shhh, my sister.Do not say such things.”
“Two halves of one whole.I didn’t know.Didn’t realize until it was too late.I loved him, too.If I had known, if I had known…” I’m choking, sobbing.Farshid, running through the orchard.Farshid, stating I will take care of you… Farshid, staring sightlessly at the sky, his face covered in blood.Why had I not pieced it together sooner?Me, the one who can stare into the fabric of the universe, knitting and unknitting at will.
And yet still so ignorant of the plain facts right in front of me.
My brother, trying stoically to save our family.
Myself, thinking I was so clever.
“Rest.Your daughter needs you.”
“He will kill her.”Has killed her.Over and over again.I see it clearly.The blood on my hands.Her price to pay.
“They would’ve given it all to the Taliban,” I babble.“Untold riches, unbelievable power.I couldn’t let them do it.”
The nurse leans close, her voice a mere whisper in my ear.“I know what you did.And I heard what he said.God have mercy on both your souls.”
I gaze upon her in wonder.“Are you real?”
“Yes, my sister.”
