“Did Sabera know she was pregnant before she was admitted to the ER?”I ask Staci.
“Sabera wasn’t exactly talking when I first got there.Given her level of distress… let’s just say the drug protocol was extremely thorough.”
I roll my eyes.It leaves me with an interesting theory, however.As in maybe the inciting event in this terrible little saga had been Sabera discovering she was pregnant.The immediate news would account for her agitated state when she arrived at Aliah’s deli.
“Look.”Staci sets down her coffee.“Sabera authorized her doctor to speak with me.I’m not sure why me versus Isaad, but if she was ever going to get released, it had to be into someone’s care, hence the call to me.When I first arrived, she was out cold from all the meds.When she finally came around, it was mostly to insist I never say a word about what had happened.I wasn’t lying before.Part of my job is to respect privacy, both for the family and the individuals.”
“You didn’t find her need for secrecy suspicious?”
“Many cultures consider mental illness to be taboo.”
“Sabera disappeared for three days.You’re telling me Isaad never asked questions about that?Didn’t reach out to you?Demand some kind of explanation?”
“Isaad called me repeatedly looking for her.He sounded worried, then frustrated, then very worried and frustrated.”
“What did you tell him?”
Staci thins her lips, studies her coffee again.“Part of the psych hold is a more thorough evaluation of Sabera’s mental and physical health.Dr.Porway had an entire list of considerations: Had there been any recent changes in Sabera’s eating or sleeping habits?Signs of self-destructive behavior?Suspected alcohol or drug abuse?Maybe she was hoarding weapons or suddenly giving away personal treasures.
“Normally, this is the kind of information provided by a lovedone.Except Sabera had put me on the spot.On the one hand, I’d just spent several intense weeks with this woman, trying to get her and her family settled into Tucson.I’d studied her background, helped her learn mass transit, taught her American social etiquette.On the other hand, these are questions involving intimate details of daily life.Had Sabera been acting strangely lately?”Staci shrugs.“If anything, compared to other refugees I’ve assisted, she seemed especially stoic.But maybe what I took to be mental fortitude was actually emotional disconnect.I didn’t feel comfortable answering.Given that, I did my best to work those considerations into my conversations with Isaad—”
“How?Like he asked you if you’d heard anything from Sabera and you said, hey, how’s that gun collection of hers coming?Or discover any more empty vodka bottles in the recycling bin?How did that not come off sounding suspicious?”
“Oh, I think it came off as very suspicious.And I think…” Staci hesitates.“At a certain point, I think Isaad not only knew what I was doing, but it wasn’t the first time he’d been asked such inquiries.They’ve spent years living in uncertainty and fear, remember?Time involving Sabera losing her family and watching her country collapse.Of giving birth and then trying to raise a baby in squalid refugee camps known for their violence.Of course Sabera has a history of mental health struggles, postpartum, PTSD, and otherwise.Again, I don’t know why she didn’t list Isaad’s name.Personally, I think he figured out exactly what was going on.And like me, he did his best to assist, while never acknowledging what he wasn’t supposed to acknowledge.”
I’m honestly not sure what to do with this.So Sabera disappeared once before for three days, but maybe for Isaad, that didn’t count as a true vanishing act, given he connected the dots to a necessary medical intervention.Which could also explain why hedidn’t initially respond to Aliah’s pestering when Sabera disappeared a second time around.
“From your point of view?”I ask Staci now.“When you heard Sabera never made it home from work a second time, did you assume she’d suffered another breakdown?”
“After the first twenty-four hours, I contacted local hospitals.I also reached out to Dr.Porway, who did some digging.One of the trickiest parts of a psych doctor’s job is making the determination of whether a patient can be safely discharged or continues to be at risk for harm.Needless to say, she was very concerned about Sabera’s well-being.”
“Was it the news of Sabera’s pregnancy that got her released the first time around?As a mother, surely she wouldn’t harm her unborn child?”
“From what I understand, parenthood isn’t the best indicator of success—women commit more murder-suicides involving their children than men do.A strong religious prohibition, however, can be very powerful.And the tenets of Islam clearly state that only God has the power to give and take away life.Suicide is not only murder, it goes against God’s will and denies one entrance into heaven.Being a practicing Muslim was a major factor when contemplating Sabera’s future.”
“Did you agree?Seventy-two hours later she’s all better and can go home?”
Staci hesitates.Once more, I can see the wheels turning in her head, what she wants to say, what she thinks she can say…
I lean forward, play my admittedly brutal trump card.“Isaad is dead.”
“What?”
“His body was found yesterday.Badly mutilated.He was tortured, then killed.”
“What?”
“Whatever’s going on right now, it’s not a simple matter of Sabera’s mental health.The threat is real.The violence tangible.I don’t know why, which is really pissing me off, but at this point, I consider finding Sabera a point of life or death.We help her—and her unborn child—survive this together, or they die alone.
“According to these medical reports,” I continue relentlessly, “part of Sabera’s discharge requirement was to enroll in therapy.Twice a week.From what I’ve heard, she had her neighbor, Nageenah, watch Zahra while she went to these appointments, under the guise of ‘running errands.’Except Sabera only made it to three actual sessions.Then the therapist never saw her again.Though Nageenah claims Sabera kept disappearing two afternoons a week.Why?Where was she going, what was she doing?You need to tell meeverything.”
Staci appears visibly shaken.
“I don’t know what I don’t know,” she starts.
“Join the club.”
“Are she and Isaad married?He seems committed, she implied not.Clearly, it took the two of them together to get out of Afghanistan.”
