“Kyle is not my boyfriend, we just fuck sometimes and we like to binge stupid TV together. He’s so cute, you know? But we went to this party, and it’s like—are we here as a couple? So he started flirting with this really gross girl with extra crispy curls, and I was like, Lindsey, you cannot be jealous! You don’t even want this guy! Do you...? It’s hard to figure all this stuff out. I mean, a friend of mine is gender fluid and into polyamory. How do they have time to do anything other than deal with relationship dramas?”
Lindsey was getting a master’s in marriage and family therapy, and Jane wondered how that might work out. It wasn’t so much about the blind leading the blind, but did she have the capacity to stop talking and really listen to a patient?
“I mean, what do you think, Jane? Should I not fuck him anymore? I know it’s bad for my self-esteem.”
“What do you need self-esteem for?” Jane asked, half-seriously.
Lindsey guffawed. “You are so funny!” She paused. “You’re joking, right?”
“What I mean is that you need to find your self-worth independent of any relationship.”
“So true. But easy for you to say. You’ve been with Teddy for like what, ten years?”
“Oh god, no. Three.”
Three years could seem like an epoch. Life before Teddy, life after Teddy.
“How did you guys meet?”
Jane thought back to the night she first met Teddy. It was at a house party full of young up-and-comers in the entertainment business, a frenetic blend of networking and inebriation.
She was with her best friend, Anna, who thrived in these environments, an expert at low-key flirting, inane small talk, and getting just drunk enough. Jane met Anna soon after she moved to LA, when they both were working as assistants at the same high-powered talent agency. Anna was almost six feet tall in heels and had a mane of wild, curly hair and a throaty, infectious laugh. She was from Connecticut but would tell people that “I lived in Connecticut, but I grew up in New York.” Anna did, in fact, possess the unmitigated assertiveness and candor stereotypically attributed to New Yorkers, so she intimidated many people, but Anna and Jane had bonded almost instantly.
It was Anna who first spotted Teddy sitting with some friends by the firepit.
“That guy over there is checking you out.”
Jane took a discreet peek. Teddy seemed, well, average in many ways: average height, average build, average looks, but she felt attracted to him for some reason. It might have been his goofy smile and the mirthful gleam in his eyes, discernible even at a distance.
But more likely it was Anna he was checking out. She had large breasts,realbreasts moreover, a novelty in Los Angeles. Not that authenticity mattered; men seemed to love implants just as much, maybe even more. In any case, Anna chose her outfits to showcase her impressive organic attributes and, predictably, men noticed.
“Jane, don’t be such a loser, come on! He was totally checking you out. He’s cute! Let’s go.”
Anna made a beeline for Teddy and Jane followed in her wake. She admired Anna’s ability to get right in there, to go for it. They were opposites, and this made for a good friendship.
“Hi, guys, I’m Anna, and this is Jane. How are you doing?”
“Living the dream! I’m Keith, and this is my homie, Teddy.”
Teddy chimed in. “Nice to meet you, Anna and Jaaaaane.”
Teddy drew out her name and his glance lingered on her, while Keith had eyes only for Anna. Tall and wiry, there was something mantis-like about Keith’s bearing. Standing next to him, Teddy looked substantial.
Mantis man raised his beer. “Very nice to meet you lovely ladies.”
Jane was reminded that the male mantis gets his head bitten off by the female after mating, and judging by the way he was ogling Anna, it appeared he might take his chances.
After more conversation, they all exchanged phone numbers and Teddy texted Jane the very next day. “Can I take you out sometime?” It was so simple; there was something old-school and almost chivalrous about it—at least he hadn’t texted “Would love to hang sometime.” And that was how they met.
Jane gave Lindsey an abridged version of the story: “We met at a party. A friend saw him checking me out and introduced us.”
“That’s soooo sweeeet! I need a wingwoman like your friend!” Lindsey exclaimed, then picked up a black Rick Owens shirt. While assessing it, she sighed. “I just wish Kyle weren’t so damn cute. Even his penis is super cute!”
That is the precise moment when Curt walked into the room.
“Hey, guys, how is it going?”
Lindsey flushed. Had he overheard?
