“Are you seriously asking me that, Jane?” he shot back, exasperated.
“Yes, I seriously am, Teddy. Why is there a boot on your car?”
He gave her a withering look. “I guess there must be some tickets I haven’t paid. I don’t know.”
This was so foreign to Jane. Whenever she got a parking ticket—which was rarely—she would pay it immediately. “Why would there be tickets you haven’t paid? Parking tickets, or moving violations?”
Teddy got increasingly defensive, his volume going up. “Come on, Jane, why are you asking me this right now? I guess I forgot, I fucked up. Right now I just need to figure out how to get this fucking boot removed.”
Jane couldn’t stop herself from pressing on. “Well clearly you fucked up, Teddy.”
“Thanks for being so supportive,” he replied, dripping venomous sarcasm, which only spurred her on.
“What am I supposed to be supporting? Negligence? Irresponsibility?”
“You never cut me a break, Jane. You act like I’m a constant disappointment.”
“Not constant, but you sure as hell are right now.”
While he took a deep breath, assessing her with a look that somehow conveyed both contempt and affection, Jane pulled out her phone and opened a rideshare app.
“Let’s cool off, okay?” he asked in a softer voice. “Just give me a minute so I can deal with this.”
“You can deal with it. You don’t need me. I called an Uber. Three minutes away.”
Teddy stiffened, struggling to contain his anger.
“Fine. Thanks for standing by me, helping out. You know, you think you are settling with me, Jane? Well, the truth is I am the one settling with you.”
Jane gasped. “What?”
As he understood the cruelty of what he had said, Teddy relented. “Listen, for some reason, I love you, but you are a lot of work. Impossible to please.”
“If I am, well, I can’t help it.”
“That’s a cop-out, but fine.... Listen, once I get this taken care of, I’m just going to go crash at Keith’s.”
Now Jane’s fiery ball of anger burst and was replaced by a miasma of volatile emotions—anger, sadness, hurt, embarrassment—all coiled around her affection for Teddy. She was silent until her Uber pulled up and she turned to him.
“Well... I hope you can get this resolved soon, and—I’m sorry... about all of it.”
He looked at her, bereft. Teddy wore his heart on his sleeve and on his face. “Yeah, me too, Jane.”
Chapter Five
Tracey
Jane rose early so she could make it to her favorite yoga class—the one taught by Allegra, an instructor with a soothing voice, creamy and mellifluous, and almond-shaped topaz eyes that were soulful pools of equanimity. On the studio schedule, Allegra’s class was described as “a powerful flow practice”: ideal for Jane, who was trying hard to flow in all aspects of her life.
Allegra played eclectic background music; the morning’s playlist had some Caetano Veloso, Prince, Radiohead, Joni Mitchell. The music helped Jane push through her physical discomfort, which perhaps wasn’t the way you were supposed to be flowing—pushing wasn’t flowing, was it?—but if she didn’t attach to the music she’d engage in endless self-critique: her heels weren’t reaching the floor in down dog, her hips weren’t squared properly in warrior one, her back wasn’t sufficiently arched in wheel.
Jane tried to channel the swirl of her thoughts into her movement, to let the music guide her, to tune out all else, but it wasa challenge. It had been three weeks since their fight over his booted car, and Teddy was still staying at Keith’s place. They’d mutually agreed it was probably good to take a little break from each other. Pangs of raw feelings from that night were still surfacing unpredictably: fury for not being able to control herself, but also fury at Teddy for being so irresponsible. He was dropping hints about wanting to start a family, yet didn’t have his shit together enough to pay parking tickets.
When he’d come over to get some of his belongings, their conversation was stilted, both of them choosing their words ever so carefully.
“I feel bad about what happened,” Jane offered.
“Yeah, me too. I’m sorry about all of it.”
