Frankly, Lorna would rather be on the street than here.
She moves out soon after. She feels a true liberation from the roller coaster that was her life. She pours herself into work, trusting no one. Or maybe what she trusts is that any person she meets could take it all away from her.
Lorna knows she isolates herself and that it is happening with alarming frequency. But she tells herself that everything is probably fine.
But then Mom is diagnosed with cancer.
Chapter 30Lorna Now
At the start of lorna’s last week at the bodhi tao Bliss Retreat and Spa, Xandra handed her a piece of paper. On it was a catalog of how she’d spent her time there, listing the required hours and the number Lorna had completed. She was surprised to see she was ahead of schedule. It was true that in the last week, she’d been spending longer hours here. At Micah’s suggestion, she’d added art therapy, where she was encouraged to get in touch with the deepest level of her mind and express it in an art medium of her choice, including dance, music, drawing, or writing. Lorna stuck to drawing and was guided into uncovering some difficult emotions and releasing them into her so-called art. Micah was right—it was the perfect companion to her meditation practice. She was uncovering a lot of old beliefs that didn’t have a place in her world now.
Micah also sent her for more sound baths and float therapy, which had helped reduce not only her negative self-talk but also her fear. Her body seemed to be expelling all of that through her tears.
She’d continued work on her vision board, adding anything and everything that could possibly make her feel happy orfulfilled. She told Micah that if her future turned out to be anywhere near as pretty or colorful as her board, she would be happy.
“I’m holding you to that,” he’d said.
Of course she’d had more sessions with the acupuncturist. She loved the very concept of body meridians and the opening of her chi. She left feeling lighter in being each time. Like she was a person who could be liked and was worth knowing. She had value.
Armed with the accounting of her time, Lorna went to her meeting with Micah and showed him how much she’d progressed. He was wearing silk joggers, a woven hoodie, and torn ribbons in his graying hair. Yet his look did not annoy Lorna in the least, which she considered a mark of great progress.
“That’s right,” Micah said, looking at her paper. “You’re coming to the end of your time with us. That is, the time required by your employer. You are, of course, free to carry on with us.”
“I don’t think so,” Lorna said. “I saw the rates on your brochure.” And yet, the idea of carrying onwithoutMicah and Montreal to guide her was more disturbing than she ever would have dreamed possible. She had come to depend on this place. She even looked forward to coming.
Micah laughed. “Inner peace is not cheap. Nevertheless, I can confidently say we’re down to a few tweaks before we sign off and I send you back to your employer.”
“Tweaks,” she repeated. She’d been coming here long enough to know that when he said things like that, she was not going to like whatever followed. “Like what?”
“Maintenance skills,” he said. “You’ve done a great job of learning to recognize and rid yourself of negative thoughts. And you are opening yourself up to examining your resentments and letting them go. You are learning to live in the moment and notthe past. So now we want to make sure you have the skills necessary to keep that up and to move forward on your own. In our last few sessions, we’ll focus on how to maintain your positive outlook when you go back to work.”
She hadn’t thought about work in weeks. She shifted uncomfortably on her beanbag.
“Let’s begin by talking about your staff.”
“Let’s not,” Lorna said.
Micah ignored her, as he’d learned to do. “I’ve got a list here from your employer,” he said, and reached over to his desk to grab it.
“I’m not ready to talk about them.” She didn’t want to remember how they felt about her, how they made her feel about herself. It would ruin everything she’d worked hard to achieve these last few weeks.
“Suzanne,” he said stubbornly. “Tell me about her.”
She has a punchable face.Lorna grimaced, recalling the way she’d so bitterly written that to Kristen. Suzanne was an attractive woman. Why had she ever thought that? “I don’t know. She’s...” Oh, how she hated this exercise. “She’s a little rough around the edges.”
Micah’s brows rose.
“What?” Lorna asked defensively. “Oh, I get it. That’s the pot calling the kettle black, right?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“I can say it. She’s just like me, and that’s not exactly a good thing.”
“Why isn’t it? You’re a top-notch salesperson. You’re in charge. I would think she’d want to emulate you.”
But her staff hated her. She’d earned their hate too. She felt uncomfortable, like her skin didn’t fit right or her head was on crooked. Very uncomfortable. She breathed in, looked for thenegative thought. “I don’t think I can do this, Micah. I don’t want to like them.”
He laughed with surprise. “Why not?”
