When she went back to the dining hall, she found Bean and took a selfie of them with their official paper soup-kitchen aprons.
Later that afternoon, Lorna put Aggie in her car and drove to Peggy’s house. While Aggie explored the backyard, Lorna showed Peggy the picture of her and Bean and explained where she’d been.
Peggy fetched her small notebook and marked off another item. “Only one more,” she said, beaming at Lorna. “Your mother would be so proud.”
Lorna wondered if that was true. She hoped it was. But her relationship with her mother had been so hard at the end she truly didn’t know how her mother had felt about her.
“What does it say here?” Peggy asked, squinting at her notes. “Oh, that’s right. Mrs. Tracy.”
Lorna felt an immediate roil in her belly. Mrs. Tracy was the worst one yet. The memory was so disturbing that on the way out, Lorna kicked the metal rooster so hard that Aggie yelped.
Chapter 29Lorna Is Twenty-Two
Lorna was still in college when mom sold nana’s house and moved them into a small, two-bedroom garage apartment. Lorna didn’t want her to sell, but Mom said it was the only way she could afford to get Kristen out of jail and into long-term treatment. This time, when Kristen was arrested for petty theft, she was found with cocaine in her possession. Seeking treatment was part of her release agreement. “Insurance only covers so much,” her mother said wearily.
There was no money for anything. Lorna was working two jobs to help with the bills and her college expenses, which made her college career a longer slog than it should have been.
“She’s twenty-six,” Lorna argued. “Let her suffer the consequences, Mom. She’s making the choice to steal and use drugs.”
“So you think I should let my daughter end up on the street? She’s not thinking clearly, Lorna. Have some compassion.”
Compassion?Lorna has been asked to have compassion so many times she ought to get an award for it. But at what point does compassion give way to hard truths?
When Kristen is released from nine months of treatment, Mom brings her home to live with them in the tiny apartment. Kristen is her old self—funny, easy to be with. Supportive ofLorna. She registers for general education classes at a local community college (that Mom pays for). She gets a job as a cashier in a grocery store.
“I knew she would eventually turn it around,” Mom says proudly. “Not everyone is as goal oriented as you, Lolo. Sometimes people need time to find their way.”
Lorna does not consider herself particularly goal oriented. But she has been desperate to get out of the house the last few years. And as for people finding their own way, well... Kristen has found her own way. But her way is steadily destroying her.
Still, in this new phase, Kristen is never surly. Lorna has learned over the years that surliness is the first sign she’s using again. The two sisters spend their free time talking about everything: life, their parents, how much they miss Nana and Nana’s house, what they want to be and where they want to go. They play their superlative game again, assigning titles to people Kristen works with.
Kristen encourages Lorna to finish her last semester of school. “You could be the one to break free of this family,” she says.
Kristen is full of ambition and hope now that she is sober. She’s going to get a degree, she says. “I’m going to go into fashion design. You can be my model.”
Lorna laughs. “I don’t think anyone wants to look at this.”
“Are you kidding?” Kristen says. “You have a perfect figure. And we’ll figure out what to do with your hair.” They laugh.
Kristen advises Lorna about what to wear when she goes out. She’s always shaking her head at whatever Lorna picks, then rearranging the clothing pieces and accessories in a way that makes Lorna look so much better. She doesn’t know how Kristen does it, but she is eternally grateful that she does. Having Kristen home is nice. It’s more than nice—Lorna is happier than she’s been in a while.
While Kristen and Lorna are hanging out, Mom is with their landlord, Peggy Shane. They have become the best of friends. They sit on the back patio with their wine and cackle about Lord only knows what. Peggy strikes Lorna as a lonely soul; it’s a blessing that her mother is too. She wants to believe the two women found each other when they needed each other most.
Lorna studies for class and Kristen keeps the apartment clean. Lorna believes Kristen when she says she feels great and that she is never using drugs again. She believes that Kristen has grown up, that months in treatment have worked. “Look what drugs did to my life,” Kristen says, wincing. “Look at what they did to me. I have a lot of catching up to do.”
“And you look so much better now,” Lorna adds. “Beautiful.” Kristenisbeautiful. Her skin and hair are revitalized and she’s at a healthy weight.
“Thank you,” Kristen says. “It’s amazing how much happier I am now.”
When Lorna graduates from college, Mom, Kristen, and Peggy come to watch her walk. Dad comes, too, with his wife and two preteen daughters. They sit on opposite ends of the stadium. After the ceremony, Dad hugs Lorna and then hands her an envelope full of cash. “I didn’t know what to get you, but I’m so proud of you.” Not proud enough to put aside his differences with Mom and go to dinner with them. But proud enough to hand her twenty-five hundred dollars. “Use it to start your life,” he advises.
“Twenty-five hundred dollars?” Kristen says sourly when they get home. “Wow. I guess he’s not as broke as he’s been telling me.”
Something tickles Lorna’s brain. Kristen has been talking to Dad about money? She feels a little sick, but she pushes the feeling off, tucks it away. This is her day and she’s not going to worry about something she probably misunderstood.
That weekend, Lorna prepares to go to a graduation party. She is trying to decide what to wear when Kristen asks if she can go too. “Come on, Lolo, I’m so bored. I’m always by myself. And I’ve been good—you can’t deny that I have. I deserve this. I promise I won’t drink.”
Kristen has been good, but her insistence that she has seems off. Something doesn’t feel right again.
