Whatever it was, it made her feel terribly sad in the dark space where there was no up or down.
She cried so much she was convinced the water level rose a bit. She cried until she felt there were no more tears in her body and no resources to manufacture more. She was going to count that as a win.
Chapter 22Lorna Now
Despite all the practice and bean’s encouragement, on the night of the musical, Lorna was nervous and still a little nauseated. Nothing like she’d been in high school, thank heaven. But she felt like she’d eaten something that didn’t sit well with her.
Bean had come, of course. He’d insisted on it as her coach. Plus, he thought he might find a way to get a theater badge. Seth had come, too, much to Lorna’s horror.
“You don’t want to come to this,” she tried to convince him. “It’s just this dumb thing I have to do. Trust me when I say life is too short for you to be there.”
“Really? It feels like life has been tedious lately and anything but short. I could use some entertainment. I haven’t been out of the house on a Friday night in so long, I don’t remember what it’s like.” He grinned.
But even with Bean in her corner, and Seth unfortunately looking on, Lorna felt terribly exposed. Like everyone in the audience (there weren’t many, to be honest) had gone to high school the year of her Big Blow. Yet here she was. And Mr. Sanders did seem genuinely grateful.
Bean and Seth took seats in the front row, just like Kristen andthat guy had years ago. She’d begged them to sit at the back and make a quick getaway to avoid the crowd.
“First of all, this is hardly a crowd,” Seth replied. “And second, are you kidding? I’ve never known the star of the show.”
“I am so not the star,” Lorna scoffed.
“You are, Lorna!” Bean said proudly. “I want to sit in front so you can hear me clap.”
Before the musical began, Mr. Sanders had her fall three times in quick succession to make sure she had it right, especially with little kids falling on top of her. The kids seemed to really like the idea of landing on her. She was already feeling a little beaten up come showtime.
When her time came, she stepped out onstage, looked at the back of the auditorium as Kristen had once instructed her to do, and sang her line. “‘I will lend you the money for your troubles, but you must return it doubled.’” Her voice warbled, and she was pretty sure she wasn’t even near the key—not that she could hear a key, with the blood of sheer panic rushing in her ears. But she managed to deliver the line without vomiting. She took two steps toward the mattress as she was supposed to do, but her foot caught on her robe and she stumbled, falling onto the stage just short of the mattress. And then the children threw all their acting chops along with their bodies on top of her. Andthen(and Mr. Sanders had failed to mention this) three parents performed a pratfall on her too. The worst part of it was that she saw Seth cringe when she went down with a thud, and Bean’s fists raised victoriously in the air, as if all the training had paid off.
When the whole thing was done, Bean came out of his seat and clapped and cheered louder than anyone. Quite a bit louder. She wondered if there was a badge for training someone to fake a death in the badge catalog.
Seth and Bean met her at the door to the wings after the cast had taken its bows. Lorna smiled sheepishly. “That was one for the ages, I suppose. I am happy to announce I will not be pursuing a career in theater.”
“You did great,” Bean insisted, and looked at his dad.
“Yeah,” Seth said immediately. “You were... different.” He smiled.
Lorna laughed.
“You tried so hard,” Bean added. “That’s the important thing. You have to try your best reallyhard. Right, Dad?”
“Right, son.” Seth was still smiling. “Lorna tried so hard I say we go for ice cream to celebrate.”
“Yes!” Bean shouted. “I want sprinkles. Can I have sprinkles, Dad?”
“Let’s ask Lorna,” Seth said, and looked at her. “Is that an appropriate amount of sugar?”
“All I know is, I’m not going if there aren’t sprinkles.”
“Yay! See, Dad? Let’s go!” Bean cried happily, grabbing Lorna’s hand.
She listened to Bean list all the ice cream flavors he wanted to try as he pulled her along. She glanced over her shoulder at Seth, who was looking at them with such fondness she could feel it lighting up her chest. She, too, was smiling. She felt surprisingly light with these two.
But there was another, deeper feeling in her. Something was shifting. Opening. For the first time in her life, she sensed the real possibility of shedding the burden of her past.
Chapter 23Lorna Now
It was seth’s idea to meet at central market, where they could get gelato and sit on the deck while Bean played on the massive playscape or chased ducks. Lorna met them there, and when she arrived, Bean was well into a cup of gelato, making field notes in his ever-present Driskill notebook. When he’d finished with his cup, he announced the gelato was a “twelve out of ten!” and then skipped off to the massive playscape.
“I don’t know if he has figured out you can’t really bake ice cream,” Lorna remarked.
