Micah had said it wouldn’t hurt her to try.
She guessed she’d try. But she wasn’t going to like it one bit.
Well, thanks a lot again, Kristen. I’ve been sentenced to a “wellness” program because I am uptight and still mad about you and all I want to do is get away from you, and all my new life coach wants to do is talk about you. So great! I can’t wait to relive everything! It was so much fun the first time through! All this because Mom thought I was the problem, that I neededto let go of the past and all the things you made me do. This is all YOUR FAULT. It’s always your fault. You will probably argue it can’t be your fault because you’re not here, but that’s just it—you’re ALWAYS here. You. Are. Always. Here. I don’t want you living in my head anymore.
But I don’t know how to get you out.
Chapter 7Lorna Now
Montreal was waiting for lorna in the lobby of the Bodhi Tao Bliss Retreat and Spa. “How are you?” he asked, then pressed his hands together in a prayer pose and bowed.
Lorna did not make prayer hands or bow, but she conceded she was giving this program her best shot by saying, “I’m wearing yoga pants.” As a rule, she did not like to wear yoga pants in public. She had standards of dress for different occasions: suits to the office, dresses for shopping, cargo shorts for gardening, athletic wear for exercise. Yoga pants were reserved for rainy Saturdays or Sundays spent at home.
But, as the saying went, if you can’t beat them, join them.
“Will you look at that,” he said. “Well done.”
He probably already hated her. He was probably already complaining to Micah.That tall lady with the hair... she’s the worst. It’s like she needs an amendment to the Constitution before she’ll wear proper spa clothing.
But he was all pleasantries as he escorted her to the gym for morning meditation. He talked about how great the weather had been (and he wasn’t wrong). He handed her a mat and said, “I’ll be back for you,” then smiled warmly.
At the very least, she was pleased that she was able to sit cross-legged like everyone else. She even went the full mile by touching her thumbs and middle fingers to create a circle, the purpose of which she had no clue, and resting her hands like that against her knees, palms up, like everyone else. When in Rome.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t keep her thoughts from wandering when the meditation leader invited her to clear her mind and get in touch with her deeper self.Deeper self. What does that even mean? Was it necessary for the person next to me to put his mat so close to mine? It’s weird. Who is snoring? Someone is snoring. Do these people have jobs? How does everyone have the time to sit around and smile like loons at each other? I feel like I should stretch.
And then the meditation practice was over.
Montreal came to get her. “How did it go today?” he asked as they made their way down the long white corridor toward Micah’s office.
She did not excel at small talk and debated how honest she ought to be. Should she tell him she was terrified of what Micah might find repulsive about her? Probably not. “Okay, I guess, given the circumstances. At least I was more comfortable.”
Montreal looked at her curiously. “Is everything okay?”
“Not really. I should be in my office making sales. But I’m here trying to meditate, and let me tell you something, Montreal, meditation is impossible. I don’t believe anyone can clear their mind of all thoughts. Do you believe it?”
“I do,” he said. “But I will grant you it is a learned skill that must be practiced. I think you will find the longer you are in the Leaves of Change program, the easier meditation might become. I hope so, because meditation is a great tool for centering yourself. When you’re centered, you will eventually feel yourself begin to expand and shift. Let it happen.”
She was dubious. She preferred to have empirical evidence or,at the very least, the word of someone who had gone through the shenanigans she feared she was about to go through. “Do you know if anyone who has gone through this program says they are better for it? Leaves of Change, I mean. Like hard data?”
His kind, light brown eyes locked with hers. “Hard data on people’s feelings is difficult to obtain. But you should ask Micah.” Speaking of which, they had reached Micah’s door. Montreal knocked, opened it, and said, “Lorna is here.” And then to Lorna, he said, “Great first step with the yoga pants. Lean into them.” He glided away.
News flash, Montreal. One couldn’t lean into yoga pants, as they were specifically made to give. You could lean in them, but notintothem.
Lorna squared her shoulders and entered the office.
Micah was already seated on a beanbag. She did not understand the insistence on beanbags when there was a perfectly good white couch across the room. He was wearing sweatpants cut off just below the knees and a T-shirt with a peace symbol painted on the chest. A checkered Arab headdress wrapped around his shoulders, and a small elephant carved from jade hung from a leather string around his neck. His hair was piled on top of his head just like Lorna wore hers in the bath.
“Lorna, so good to see you again,” he said. “I made some tea. You prefer lavender, correct?”
He remembered. “Thanks.”
He gestured toward the other beanbag. “Care to sit?”
“I don’t care to at all,” she said, but eased herself down and sat facing him. “But in the spirit of getting through another hour of interrogation, I will do it. I haven’t sat cross-legged so much since kindergarten.”
He laughed like he thought she was joking, proving once again that she had no sense for what was funny anymore. “I’msorry you saw it as an interrogation, but I’ve been thinking a lot about our conversation,” he said as he handed her a cup of tea. “I’ve got some ideas.”
“Great. Can’t wait.”
