"York,"CoachArkhady bellows."Pullyour head out of yourass. My niece does a better job in goal than you are today, and she's a six-year-old who doesn't know her left from right."
"Yes,Coach."
I don't improve much the rest of the day, which ends up being one of the longest of my life. The coaches keep me afterpractice, drilling me repeatedly, until I stop looking like a U10 rookie out there. Every muscle aches, though not as much as my heart. I forgo the therapy pool and take aquickshower, anxious to go home and soak in my tub.
Tishais waiting for me at my car when I leave. The look on her face is so kind, I want to sob. Or punch something. My mood right now could go either way."If you stuck around to tell me topullit together, you can save your breath. I know."
"I know you know. Just like I knowCoachhas already chewed you a new one, so you don't need me to do it."
I unlock my door, but she remains leaning against it."I'm exhausted, T. Can we talktomorrow?"
"That's what you said on Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. Well, girl, now it's Thursday and we have agametomorrow. A pretty important one. I don't think we canpushthis talk off any longer."
I nod once."Where's your car?"I look around, but I don't see her Camaro.
"Manny dropped me off. I brought a sleepover bag."She lifts a small duffel I didn't see before."But no alcohol."
"I know, biggametomorrow."
I drive her back to my apartment, spending the time together rehashing strategy and discussing the first playoffgametomorrow. It's not until we're settled in, pajamas on, ESPN2 on for background noise, that sheasksme the dreaded question.
"What happened to you andCharlie?"
"It's over."I tell her the whole story, much of it she already knew about, filling in details here and there. When I get to the events of the past weekend, I'm able toholdit together until the very end.
"When I got home, I had a text from him I hadn't seen since I didn't have my phone on me all day. It explains why he looked confused when I showed up. It basically said something came up and hewasn'tgoing to be free for a while."
But itwasn'tsomething. It was someone. Otherwise, why would we go back to using a condom on our last night?
"I did it again,"I sob into her shoulder."I let my heart get involved. I didn't learn a damn thing and I'm pretty sure I've lost one of my best friends in the process."
"Hey,hey,hey."Tishastrokes my hair."You did learn something. You learned how tostandup to your parents. You learned how beautiful and strong you are. You learned your limits. So don't go thinking this was a pointless exercise."
I hiccup."I just feel so awful. I've never felt this bad before. Not afterBrennandumped me. Not after any of my other boyfriends, all of whom I was planning futures with. So why does ithurtso much when I went into this knowing there was no future withCharlie? Itwasn'tuntil that last night when I realized how much I loved him that I even entertained the notion he could possibly love me back. So why does thishurtsofuckingmuch?"
Tishasighs."Maybe because this is the first time you truly loved someone. All those other times you thought you were in love. You complained to me that you always fell too hard, too fast. Did youfallforCharlieon Day One?"
I hiccup again."N-no."
"See?"she says."Thiswasn'ta burn-fast-and-hot shooting star. That's why this hurts so much."
"What do I do now?"I askTisha.
"Right now? You let this thing between you two breathe. Play your heart out for theteam. Put all your energy and focus in the goal and on leading your defense. And when you're done, you're gonna knock on that man's door and you're gonna tell himexactlyhow you feel about him. Put it all on the line, come what may."
"And if he rejects me? Again?"I sniffle.
"Then we'll go get drunk and I'll help youpickup the pieces."
Ilaughand tip my head to her shoulder."Thanks,Tisha. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"That's what friends are for. Now let's get to bed. We've got anass-whooping to hand out to Denvertomorrownight."
I take Tisha's advice and putCharlieout of my mind, pouring my entire heart and soul into the playoffs. When we make it to the Championship Game, I call my parents and invite them to come out towatch, even though it means traveling to New Jersey to play Philadelphia on a neutral field. To my surprise, both of them say yes.
I haven't seenCharlieall week. Someone mentioned he'd been working more up in the office or in the broadcast booth. ButI have a feeling I'll see him tonight at this final game. I try not to think about it as we go through our pregame rituals. My focus is on thegameone last time.
CoachArkhady fires us up, and we emerge from the tunnel ready to take on the Stars. I look over to where friends and families are seated, and see my parents sitting with the Wainwrights. I lift mystickin a wave and they cheer. Even my mother.
