"Charlie,"she says. But I've already turned around.
Twenty-Five
Charlie
"Why are you so mopey?"My brother throws his wadded-up pair of socks at my head.
I bat them away and flip him off."I'm not mopey. Tired. It was a long day."
"Where'sPalmertonight?"Mattflops down on the other end of the sectional and puts his bare feet up on the table."I haven't seen her around lately and you've been home more often than not."
"We don't spend every waking moment together,"I snap, smashing the buttons on the remote as I try to find something towatch."Not like we're a real couple."
"Ah."Mattsets hisbottleofbeerdown on the table next to him."So that's the problem. Still haven't convinced her to make this thing between you permanent?"
I settle on the Oriolesgamein its eighth inning and toss the remote on the coffee table."I don't want to talk about it."
"All right."Mattreclaims hisbeerand takes a longpull. I can't focus on thegame, and I can't stop checking my phone for a message I suspect isn't coming. I've all but been blatantly ignoring her since she went out with that guyBoonelast week, so it serves me right her own texts to me have dropped off. I tell myself it's a cooling-off period, but what I'm really doing is licking my wounds.
"I was supposed to have theseason,"I finally say. My head rests on my fist against the arm of the couch, and I stare at the TV while I talk.
"Last week, she invited a friend of the family to thegameand then went on adatewith him."
"You sure it was adate?"Mattasks."You just said it's a friend of the family."
"It was afuckingdate,"I growl."You should see the way he was looking at her during thegame, and the way–"
I tighten my lips."Forget it."
Mattsitsup and snags the remote, muting the volume of thegame."The way what,Carlito?"
I grind my molars and force the words out."The way she looked at him.Libertywas right."
"Whoa, back up,"Mattsays, leaning on his knees."Libertyfrom the office? The one who hates you? What could she possibly be right about?"
I tell him about my conversation withLibertyin the breakroom and what she claimed to overhear."I didn't believe it was meant the way she took it. But this guy last night isexactlythe type she dates. The kind shewantsto settle down with. He's rich, clean-cut, probably some kind of hedge fund manager or lawyer. His parents are good friends with hers. He'sexactlywhat they want for her."
"Who cares? Isn't what shewantsthe thing that matters?"
Iruna hand through my hair."Shewantstheir approval. With thisguy, she'll get it."
"You don't think they'd approve of you?"
I side-eye him."I don't think I fit the image they have in mind for their only daughter."
Mattsitsback and picks up hisbeer."So what are you going to do? You callin' it?"
A chasm rips open in mychest."I don't want a repeat of what happened with Angela. Not that I think she'd cheat on me. But I also don't want to keep waiting for her to wake up one day and decide she's done with this little experiment. I'm too old to keepputtingmyself out there."
"When have you put yourself on the line since Angela?Palmeris the first and only woman I've seen you take a risk on in years."
I spread my arms out."And look how that's going."
"Stop being a coward."Matt's words knock me back and stun me into silence. He slams hisbottledown, causing a small geyser of foam to leak onto the table."You say you didn't make a move on her before because of herboyfriend. But I think you were afraid."
He shifts to the edge of the cushion and lays into me hard."You put her on a pedestal, and as long as she was taken, you had an excuse that let you avoid the risk of rejection. Meanwhile, youfuckaround like your dick's about tofalloff the second you stop using it, but it's okay because you're upfront about sharing your dick and not your life. That's in reserve for your untouchable crush. Now, you finally have achancewith the woman you've had heart eyes for, and what will you do at the first sign of conflict? You're gonna cut andrun, and use the excuse you're only protecting yourself from gettinghurtagain, because you're too chickenshit to fight for what you want. She'll go back on the pedestal, this time as the one who got away, and she'll become what Angela has been for the past decade—your excuse not to risk loving someone."
Hesitsback and takes a longpullofbeer. The silence between stretches out for several long minutes as I try to figure out what do with myassthat was just handed to me. I absorb the lashing, realizing he is one hundred percent right, and scrub a hand down my face."I'm afuckingpendejo."
