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What?

How is that possible? I don’t understand.

I swallow, trying to keep my tears at bay. Out of everything… this is the last thing I expected to hear. And I can’t show the emotion that I’m currently fighting to hold back. My dad has no clue that Cillian and I are together and…

“W-what happened?” My voice cracks slightly, the tremble evident.

He exhales, shaking his head as he shifts beside me. “This needs to stay between us, Rory. I’m only telling you this because I know you’ve had your hopes set on making this work, and you’ve developed a friendship with him. Like you have with the other guys.”

The knot in my stomach tightens until an ache begins to form.

What I feel about Cillian is nothing like I feel for any of the other guys. He’s become my best friend but… he’s so much more than that.

And I can’t even be honest with my dad about it, and that just seems to make the feeling worse.

“I know that you worked hard to get the team working together, to get them through the transition, and I want you to know this is not your fault, and you are not responsible for someone else’s actions.” He pauses as he reaches for me, squeezing my hand gently. “I received an anonymous tip that Cillian was usingdrugs and may be dealing them around campus. I didn’t want to believe it. Shit, Ididn’twant to. But as a coach, I have responsibilities. I had to investigate it. When I brought Cillian into my office this afternoon, he agreed to a drug test.”

My brow furrows in confusion. “Are you saying…” When I trail off, he nods, rolling his lips together.

“He failed, Rory.”

No. No.No.

Cillian’s not on drugs. There’s no way.

I’m shaking my head, over and over, but I can’t even find the words because this is just… insane. He’s not on drugs. I know that he’s not on drugs.

“I didn’t want to believe it either, sweetheart. I really believed that he had turned things around. I’m so disappointed.”

I spring from the couch, shaking my head. “No, Dad. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t do drugs. He was working his ass off to keep his spot on the team. He wouldn’t do all of that and be taking drugs. Not when it would get him off the team.”

The hot sting of tears behind my eyes threatens to spill, but I suck in a shaky breath, willing myself to calm down. Obviously, this is just a big misunderstanding. One that we can easily fix.

“Retest him. It could be a false positive. You can’t kick him off the team for a test that could be a false positive, or even a faulty test. That happens.”

Dad shakes his head again. “We did, Rory. We immediately retested him with the same results. I saw it myself. He failed for amphetamines. Both times.”

I feel like I’m going to puke. I can’t believe Cillian would be on drugs, but my dad… he would never lie to me.

He reaches into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out his phone, turning the screen to face me.

I don’t want to believe what I’m seeing, but… I can’t. Because there’s two positive drug tests.

Cillian failed.Twice.

My head begins to swim so I slowly walk to the couch, dropping my head into my hands as I breathe.

“Rory, it’s not that difficult for me to believe that he went back to what he was doing in London. The boy has been through a lot, more than I can imagine honestly, and I’m not saying I condone it… I’m just saying that history has a way of repeating itself. As badly as I wanted this to not be true, it is, and now we have to deal with it. I have a responsibility to my team, and my guys.”

I just don’t understand. Why would Cillianaskfor a drug test if he was going to fail it? None of it makes sense. Why would he do this knowing that it would result in an immediate dismissal from the team? Why put that work in?

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know how hard you tried. That’s one of the things I love most about you… your heart. You always see the good in people.” His arm slides around my shoulder and he tucks me against his side, rubbing a hand soothingly down my arm. I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears from falling.

I just… I can’t believe Cillian would do this not only to the team but tome. Surely, there’s some kind of explanation for this.

There has to be.

I know that his time at Prescott hasn’t always been the easiest, but the Cillian that I know wouldn’t do this. I can’t truly begin to understand the heartache he’s experienced in the past coupleof years, and I know how hard it’s been on him after he finally opened up to me.