And now that Cillian is standing here in front of me, and I can look into his eyes, seeing the unshed tears shining back at me and the fierce determination to prove his innocence, I can’t help but…believehim. Not justinhim. In his potential. I believe he’s telling me the truth, and that he would never hurt me.
Believe in what my heart is trying so desperately to tell me. To ignore my head and the what-if.
To trust my gut, the same way that I did when he first arrived at Prescott. Cillian isn’t the same guy he was the day that he walked onto the pitch. And he’s not the same guy that he was when he was drowning in grief back in London. Numbing himself the only way he thought would help.
He’s the guy who trusted me when almost everyone he’s ever trusted gave up on him. He put that trust in me, and right now I have to put the same trust in him.
“I believe you, Cillian.” My voice is barely above a whisper as I reach for him, cradling his jaw in my hand.
I feel his entire body sag in relief, and those tears that were welling in his eyes fall. “Fucking hell, thank God. Baby, I swear on my mum’s life that I didn’t do anything to fail that test.”
His words sink into the depths of my soul. I swear I can feel the weight of them piercing my skin. He would never swear on his mom unless this was the truth. “I know. We’ll figure it out. Whatever it takes, we’ll figure it out. Together? Okay?”
Leaning forward, he drops his forehead gently against mine. “I love you, Rory. You breathed life into me again, and now I just… I can’t live without you.”
My hands slide around his jaw, curling around his nape, and pulling him into me. I feel his breath fan against the slope of my neck as he buries his face there.
Steadily, inhale, exhale.
“I love you, Cillian. I’m not going anywhere.”
Even if that means going to war for him.
CHAPTER 32
Cillian
Three months ago, I was packing my life up to leave London and feeling like there’d never be another place in the world that would ever feel like home.
How could it when everything I’ve loved was there? My mum. Aisling. Rugby. My teammates. Friends. The flat I’d spent my childhood in.
I remember the overpowering sense of dread in the days leading up to our flight. Each minute that brought me closer to coming to America was a constant reminder of the sentence I’d been dealt. A new prison to hold me for my sins outside of the grief that I’d been suffering with for so long.
It wasn’t bad enough that I lost Mum, but I had to leave my entire life behind too.
And now I’m facing the same reality once again. I’m no longer on the team, and everything is going to subsequently fall apart.
Which means I’m not going to be able to remain at Prescott.
And I’m fucking devastated because somewhere along the wayit becamehome. Something that I never imagined I’d feel again. Not when my life has been temporary.
Only I found a home in Rory St. James.
I’ve realized that houses with walls, roofs, and memories, they’re not home. They’re simply somewhere you live. Where you go to bed each night and wake up every morning.
But your real home? It’s the beating, breathing heart of the person you love.
The one you’d do anything in the world for.
That’s who she is for me. She nestled her way into my heart, into the seams of my soul. Into my bones, my breath. Everything belongs to her.
I didn’t even realize I still had a fucking heart until it started to beat again forher.
I’m lying beside her in her bed, my arm tucked beneath my head, my fingers gently moving through her long, silky hair as she sleeps, brushing along the soft skin of her cheeks, trailing along the bare skin of her arm that peeks out from beneath the sleeve of my T-shirt.
I love seeing her in my clothes almost as much as I love seeing her out of them.
Last night, after everything that happened, I was going to leave, give her space to process the revelation I dropped on her. Telling her I’m in love with her in the midst of everything falling apart is not at all what I had planned, but I couldn’t go another second without admitting my feelings. Because if it all went to hell, and I couldn’t convince her that I was being truthful and she did leave, I needed her to know that I loved her.
