“So, the judge has issued an order to keep you in jail until the decision is made whether or not to revoke your probation,” hesays.
“And this surprises you?” I laugh. “I’m their ticket to being on an episode ofCelebrities at Home: PrisonEdition.”
“Shiloh, for Christ’s sake, it’ll be at least two weeks before the case goes before the probation board. Also, I talked to your probation officer. For some reason, you’re protecting someone by confessing to something you didn’t do. It’s goddamnsuicide.”
He looks like shit. When I say shit, I mean his charcoal gray suit looks like he pulled it out of the bottom of the laundry basket after a cheap tequila bender. The thing is, he’s only been here for two hours. Rory arrived bright and early at eight o’clock in the morning with hot coffee and a smile. Now he looks like this. Sullen, pissed, and ready to suck on that Pepe Lopez bottle like a drunk sororitygirl.
“You just don’tunderstand.”
“You’re damn right I don’t understand,” he yells, slapping his palms on the table. “What you’re pleading to violates yourprobation.”
“Shit happens.” I shrug and examine my nails. God, they look horrible. I’m going to need a manicuresoon.
“Shit happens? Shiloh, Will Emerson says you’ve been required to submit to random drug testing since you arrived in SouthCarolina.”
“So?”
“So, he says you’ve passed all of them, yet you’ve refused to give one since they brought youin.”
I roll my eyes. “Is there a point in here somewhere? The girl in the cell next to me was just about to show me how to make homemade nunchucks out of bedsheets and a chair when you showed up. When else in my life am I going to learn these things,Rory?”
He cocks his head and gives me a hard smile. “Aren’t you just a regular sociopathic MacGyver? My point is that clean tests prove you haven’t taken drugs, Shiloh. Giving them a sample won’t clear you, but it sure as hell can’thurt.”
“And then what?” I huff, leaning back in my chair. “Will they throw me a Clean Pee Parade? Look, you seem like a decent guy, but I’m not going to recant my story. Someone I care about was set up. I can’t prove it, but I can save his future from beingruined.
He rubs his eyes and sighs. “What aboutyours?
“Tell me something, Rory. Have you ever done something so horrible to someone that you wish you had a time machine so you could go back and undoit?”
“Yeah. I guess Ihave.”
“This is my time machine, and I’m not getting out ofit.”
“This will end you, Shiloh,” he says matter offactly.
He’s not telling me anything I don’t already know, but the crazy thing is, I don’t regret it. In fact, besides Kirkland, my regrets are now down toone.
What Cary and I had for a few moments will have to last me a lifetime. Now that I think about it, maybe prison isn’t my actual sentence. Maybe my true punishment is getting a taste of what might have been and then having it all takenaway.
For the first time since being arrested, my mask cracks as a tear slips down my left cheek. “I ended seven yearsago.”
* * *
The world isfull of quirky little sayings that people love to quote when they heargossip.
What goes around comesaround.
Those who don’t learn from history are bound to repeatit.
If justice is denied, let fate take theride.
Karma is like 69; you get what yougive.
That last one is myfavorite.
Know what’s worse than a mob of people crowded outside the police station, chiming in on your fate? Your mother spouting the same shit while sitting in front of you in sunglasses and a yellow scarf wrapped around her head like she’s the reincarnation of JackieO.
Adjusting her enormous sunglasses, she pats my hand like I’m five years old. “Darling, sometimes you just have to walk away and let destiny takeover.”
