In that moment, I missed both my momma and Irene so bad it hurt, and I moved easily into Miss June’s embrace.She held me close and firm, and rubbed my back like I was four years old and had lost my pet dog.
I clutched her to me, squeezed my eyes shut and tried to breathe.I wasn’t gonna cry.Even though I knew ’twould be all right, that I was safe here and that she wouldn’t think less of me, I knew if I let the first sobs out, I’d be wailing like a babe in less than five seconds.So I held on to my dignity and control, and focused on the comfort she was giving.When I got a better grasp on myself, I pulled back, and she relaxed her grip.
“I keep thinkin’ God’s gonna take Oscar from me,” I said, before I even knew I was gonna speak.
Miss June took hold of my arms, and she gripped them with some ferocity.
“Why on Earth would you think that?”
“Because… Because of all the terrible things I did when I was helping them outlaws.”The words came out mumbled and thick, like I wasn’t aiming for her to make them out.
Miss June’s mouth pursed.“Did you do those things because you wanted to do them or because you were trapped into it?”
I took a deep, shuddering breath.“I did feel trapped, and like there was no other option.But maybe that ain’t true, and I just didn’t try hard enough to find one.”
“Here, sit down,” Miss June said, guiding me to the bench beside the dining table.“Now, you told me you were pretty young when you got involved in that life.”
“Yes, ma’am.I was around about fourteen.”
She gave me a kind look.“That’s pretty young.I’m sure the men in that gang knew how desperate you must have been, and they took advantage of that trust and yearning for adventure you might have had.Right?”
I nodded.“They did.But—”
“Jimmy, you were a child.Those men had no right to involve you in their evil-doing.”
“I was young enough to know right from wrong.Maybe I shouldn’t have gone with them.But…they fed me, and they talked me up, said I was big for my age, and I would make a valuable addition to their ‘company’.They were real nice at first.”
Miss June’s face showed sympathy and regret for what had happened to me.“I’m sure they were.”
I huffed out a laugh.“Once they had a hold on me, they stopped bein’ so nice.”
“That’s usually how it goes.I’m so sorry.”
Some tears squeezed out of the corners of my eyes, and I brushed them away with anger and frustration.
“I wanna do right by Oscar.I hope God knows that.I want to…make up for all the awful stuff by doin’ good things from now on.”
Miss June smiled.“That seems like a wonderful idea.”
“But every time Oscar’s outta my sight for longer than I like, I worry I ain’t ever gonna see him again.I can’t seem to help it.”
“I think that kind of worry comes with loving someone so much, and there isn’t a way to avoid it.But I don’t believe for a second that God would take that man from you as a punishment for your past deeds—not for a second.Not the God I believe in, anyway.”
Her words gave me comfort, and her steady hands on my arms gave me an anchor that I badly needed.
“Thank you.”
“I think that what happened to you with those men might be happening to Cal right now, except only with one man.But I have this awful feeling that his intentions are less than honorable.”
I looked at her with some curiosity because I wanted to hear more about this man that had stolen Cal’s delicate heart and might be doing terrible things to her right now—or makingherdo terrible things.
For the first time, I saw plain on Miss June’s face how truly worried she was.“Oh, Jimmy.He seemed sincere at first, and he only ever had eyes for Cal.He knew what she was, and it didn’t seem to bother him at all.He seemed to like her for who she was, in fact.He treated her real well.He treated her…like she wasn’t any different to the other girls, which was the only thing Cal had ever wanted from anyone.”
“I see.”
“He brought her flowers—and sometimes jewelry.They struck up a friendship, then he seemed to be wooing her.Cal ate that up, as you can imagine.She was in heaven.I had my doubts by that time, but I didn’t let on because I didn’t want to ruin it.You know?”
“I know.”
