“Our neighbor.He and his wife, Irene, live a short ride from our place.Clarence brought Oscar back when he got lost in a snowstorm, and we’ve become good friends with both of them.We spent a lot of time at their homestead this winter.”
“That’s wonderful.”
I traced a seam in the blanket with my finger, thinking about Irene and Clarence and the home we’d left behind.
“And Clarence, why he’s a man through and through.When I first met him, he was gruff and not very friendly.I thought he didn’t like us.But ’twas a form of self-protection, I reckon.Anyway, we went o’er for a visit and when we got there, Clarence was bein’ attacked by a bear right in his yard beside the house!”
“No!Oh my, Jimmy!”Miss June looked truly horrified.
“Yes, ma’am.Lucky for him and us, Irene is a crack shot.But Clarence had a deep gash in his thigh and Irene didn’t want to go for the doctor.I couldn’t understand it!”
Miss June gazed at me, and I figured she knew all about secrets needing to be kept.
“But I do know a little bit about healing wounds and looking after people.And anyway, while I was examining Clarence’s wound, I saw that he had what—what I would expect to find on a woman…”
Miss June blinked but she didn’t seem all that shocked.“You mean, a cunt instead of a cock?”
“Yes, ma’am, that’s what I mean.”My cheeks were aflame.’Twas hard getting used to folks like Miss June and Oscar who said words like that out loud with no problem.
“Well, I’ll be damned.And he’s married to a woman?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, my goodness.”Miss June seemed as pleased as I’d been to discover that.“What a coincidence that you ended up with them as neighbors!”
“I know it.I almost feel like—like maybe God put them there for us to meet and befriend, because maybe…maybe God thinks I’m not entirely a bad person.”
Miss June gazed at me with tenderness and concern.“Do you think you’re a bad person, Jimmy?”
I averted my eyes all of a sudden, because I couldn’t take the disappointment in hers when I told her what I’d done.
“Sometimes.Sometimes, I do think that.”My voice was barely there.
Miss June put a gentle hand on my knee where it rested under the bedclothes.
“Jimmy, look at me.”
I forced myself to.
“Now, I know we never spoke much about your life before you showed up here with Oscar, but if there’s things in your past that you’re—”
“There is,” I said, louder.“I mean, there are things that I…I don’t even want to think about.”I swallowed thickly.“I dream about ’em sometimes.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.I got…” I licked my lips, suddenly thirsty.“I got caught up with some nasty folk when I was young, who went about robbin’ and murderin’ people with no remorse—or at least, very little.I regret every moment of it now.Except—” A thought had suddenly occurred to me, and I licked my lips, my brain going a mile a minute.“Except, I suppose if I hadn’t, I might never have met Oscar.I don’t know.”
I’d never really had that thought before, and it brought me right up all of a sudden.
Miss June nodded.“That’s true.”
“But—I can’t be glad about it.’Cause they found us and took Oscar and almost…almost did fearful things to him, and I wish that had never happened…”
“Jimmy,” Miss June said, looking very serious.“Jimmy, you can’t change the past.”
“I know, but—”
“Uh-uh.You can’t.No matter how much you may want to.All you can do is lead a good enough life going forward and hope for forgiveness.”
