“Everyone at The Angel knew what Oscar was to me, and they didn’t bat an eye. I suppose they was all doin’ things they weren’t supposed to, living outside the law and society’s expectations, so they didn’t figure t’was all that strange.”
Clarence frowned. “It ain’t strange, but people make it seem so. ’Tis the most natural thing in the world to me and Irene, and I reckon to you and Oscar, too. I don’t understand why most folks can’t see that…or won’t.” He gazed at me with strong emotion. “I’m glad you came to Port Essington, and I’m glad you’re our neighbors. Seems like it must have been fate or the work of God to throw us together, and I’m thankful.”
“So’m I. You and Irene have been so welcoming. I ain’t never—” I felt a lump in my chest. “I ain’t never had real friends before, you know? What with bein’ in the gang for so long. I feel like I missed out on a lot of stuff.”
“I think you did. I’m sorry you had to live like that.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“And I’m glad you got away from that life, Jimmy. I think that God can forgive a lot of things, if you only make amends later.”
“Maybe.” I glanced up at him from where I was polishing some leather. “Do you really think so?”
“I do.”
“Not sure I’ve made enough of them to cancel out all the terrible things I done,” I said, confessing my fears.
“Jimmy.”
I shook my head. “You don’t know what I—?”
“’Tis true, I don’t. And I reckon I don’t want to know. But it seems like you got caught up in that life because you didn’t have many options, and you were taken advantage of by immoral men then stuck in a life that wasn’t anything like you truly wanted.”
I nodded, my heart heavy.
“But you can’t do anything about the past. You can only change who you are now. And you’ve done that. Anyone can see it.”
Laughter came from the bedroom, but Clarence continued.
“You know what I see?”
I lifted my eyes to him. “What?”
“When I watch you with Oscar and see you helping out around here?”
I shook my head slowly.
“I see a man who has witnessed a lot of inhumanity, knows what true cruelty and malice is and what it looks like, who wants to distance himself from all of it. I see a man who loves with his whole heart and would stop a bullet for his love if he had to—and has devoted himself to caring for others whenever he can.”
I felt emotion build up inside me, because that was truly who I was trying to be, and I hadn’t been sure I’d succeeded. I shrugged, afraid to speak, else I might start to sob. And I wasn’t ready to share that part of myself with Clarence. I’d barely shared it with Oscar.
“You saved my life, Jimmy. And from what Oscar’s told me, you’ve saved his life o’er and again. And by loving and cherishing him, you’ve brought that young man more happiness than he ever dreamed he could have.” Clarence’s eyes were bright with sincerity and emotion. “You’vemadeamends. And you need to believe that God sees that.”
I blinked fast and turned my head away, my hands balled into fists because I was trying so hard to control myself.
“Thank you,” I managed to whisper, before the bedroom door opened and Oscar came out wrapped up in white sheets.
“Jimmy, look! Irene’s made me into a bride!”
I wiped my eyes quick with a fist and grinned, looking at Oscar all fancied up like a maiden on her wedding day, if a white sheet could replace yards of satin.
“My, my, my,” I said, my voice only a little shaky, “don’t you look lovely.”
Clarence laughed. “My goodness, you make a beautiful bride, my boy.”
“Ain’t I?” Oscar said, preening and posing. Then he stopped still and stared at me, with eyes big and round. “Would you marry me, Jimmy? If I was a girl?”
I blushed again, even though my cheeks were still flushed from my conversation with Clarence. “I reckon I would, though I can’t imagine it.”
