“I know. But we only have to stay until Clarence and Irene want to go home.”
“I don’t think that’s gonna be anytime soon.”
I glanced o’er to see Clarence and Irene dancing together, seeming to be in a private world of their own making. Clarence was dressed similarly to me and Oscar, but Irene wore a beautiful peacock-blue dress in silk and satin with fine lace and small bows all up the back, her hair done up in a fancy style. I did feel envious of the fact that they could live so openly, with the secret of Clarence’s sex hidden away like t’was. But if t’was ever discovered that he was different to other men, and that he and Irene were intimate like a regular married couple, I reckon it would be the end of all that. So, Oscar and I would guard that secret for them and hope it never became known, just like they would guard ours.
After a spell, the young ladies returned like bees to a flower and spoke to both Oscar and me. I started to wonder if it had been a mistake to buy such fine clothes, as it seemed we made quite a statement. The times I’d catch the eye of Tim or Carson, they seemed awfully amused at our predicament.
We attempted to make polite conversation, but I knew Oscar was hating every moment of it. The women seemed excited to be at a party and were in very good spirits, and most were all right to talk to, though some made their interest in us as marriageable prospects more obvious than others. I recognized the girl that had been at the counter in the general store a few times, peering at Oscar with something akin to hunger.
Oscar refused to dance with any of them, using the fact that he didn’t know how as an excuse. I politely declined at first, in the interests of staying near him. But I realized fairly quick that it seemed queer for me and Oscar to be standing together for so long, and I decided to take up some of the offers I received.
I danced with several different ladies, some of whom seemed more interested in Oscar but simply wanted an opportunity to dance with a handsome stranger. I was a decent dancer, too, as Oscar had discovered earlier, and the women, though not ideal, were better to dance with than Spook, who would turn and spit into the dirt now and then and insult me when I messed up. So I took deep breaths, smiled and nodded, and made pleasant, benign conversation, being vague about my life and my interests.
I focused on the fact that my ma had been a schoolteacher, and that’s why I knew how to write and read and figure well, which was a truth that I clung to like a lifeline. She was the only thing that made me fit for a respectable life, and I sent a prayer up to her. Even though she’d left me too soon, and the loss of both my parents had led Robert and me into a life of thieving, at least she’d given me some kind of legacy I could hold on to.
And now I was teaching Oscar to read and write, and to do more and more complex sums. He had a sharp mind and an excellent grasp of human behavior, and that was a fact. Add some book learning to that and no one would be able to stop him. He was young enough that he could learn some valuable skills, and he’d always have the means to keep himself fed, even if something happened to me.
I didn’t want to think about that, but sometimes it occurred to me that I was probably gonna die before him, and what would he do then? At least we had Clarence and Irene, and Tim and Carson to rely on for help. I supposed either one of us could get sick or have an accident and perish at any time. There wasn’t any way to control that, and t’was no use trying. I just had to put it out of my head.
“You look a bit gloomy, Mr. Downing,” Miss Bess Taylor said as I led her about the dance floor and tried to avoid the press of bodies on each side.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I gave her a half-hearted smile. “Sometimes I think too much.”
“What’re you thinking about that makes you so sad?”
I shook my head. “Why, nothing important. You’re a fine dancer, miss.”
She smiled, and she truly was a pretty thing. Her hair was as black as Onyx’s coat and her eyes were blue. She had freckles scattered across her cheeks and her pert little nose.
“Why, thank you so much, Jimmy. My brother taught me when I was real small. He loves to dance.” She nodded at a young man a bit older than Oscar, dancing with another young woman. “He’s here with his wife.”
“I see. They do make a fine couple.”
“Do you think you’ll marry?” Her bright blue eyes peered into mine with undisguised intention.
I blushed. “Well, now, I don’t know. I’m fairly…set in my ways, to be honest. I don’t reckon I’d make a very good husband.”
“Really? You’re awful handsome,” she said, giving me a look I knew well, though usually it came from Oscar, which I much preferred.
T’was so strange to think on’t.
While I was living with them outlaws, I’d have traded my soul for an opportunity to dance with a pretty girl like Bess, make small talk and have a good time with regular people who weren’t set on robbing and stealing and killing. But now my life had gone in a different direction—one I hadn’t foreseen—and though t’was still enjoyable, my heart and my desire lay with the fella leaning up against the wall with a frown on his face, checking his pocketwatch as he kept an eye on me and Miss Taylor.
When the dance was o’er, I thanked her and returned to my place beside him.
“What’s the matter with you?” I asked, although I was pretty sure I knew.
“Nothin’.”
“Well, you look pretty sour. You’d better turn that frown around or folks’ll think you’re a mean little bugger.”
“I don’t care.”
“Yeah, you do.” I leaned in to speak in his ear. “And if you don’t start lookin’ more congenial, I’ll ignore you when we get home instead of givin’ you the hidin’ that’ll make you happy.”
He blinked, licked his lips and tried to relax his features so he wasn’t giving off such a cantankerous air.
“That’s better,” I said. I leaned in again. “Good boy.”
