But I was on top of him, ready to hit him with everything I had. All the stress, all the confusion, all the repressed desire coming out to shut the big bully up.
“Jensen,” Noah interjected. “Stop.”
By then, Brian had grabbed my arms and was holding me back. “Knock it off, Jensen. Stop now, and I won’t tell Adam you attacked him twice. Once, Adam will understand, especially if we back you up. Twice? He won’t be so forgiving.”
I shook my head, hat falling and my too-long hair flying in my face. “Let me go. I won’t go after him. He can fuck the hell off and leave me alone. Or I’ll hit him again.” I bent to pick up my hat and glared at the prostrate man. “Got it, Callum?”
Callum nodded, checking to see if his jaw was in one piece. “Fine. Don’t come near me. Not in the grooming barn either.”
“Not a problem. I’m going to the house right now to quit this job.”
They all stared at me.
Brian said, “What?”
“I’m done. I’m done with this crazy place. You guys are all fucking nuts,” I said, pulling on my pants. “Except for him.” I glanced at Noah, feeling a small tinge of regret. But leaving was the only thing that made sense.
Noah sat on the edge of my bunk, hugging himself with his bare arms. “Jensen, don’t. Don’t quit.”
But I was done. I’d had it.
I pulled a T-shirt on and grabbed my bag and my hat. I sat beside Noah and leaned over, giving him an openmouthed kiss that he returned with desperation. But I pulled back. “You’re the best thing about this place,” I said. “But I don’t belong here. I’m only gonna end up causing trouble.”
I stood, tipping my hat to the others. “So long,” I muttered and walked out the door, letting it swing shut behind me.
The sun shone bright in the morning sky as I trudged along the dirt trail. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed and sad to have to leave. But Luke was in a lot of trouble and Callum might have a broken jaw because of me. This was all too much.
As I walked quickly, duffel bag slung over my shoulder, I heard footsteps behind me. I assumed Noah had followed me so girded myself to say goodbye again.
But Brian’s voice sounded behind me instead.
“Hey, wait up, Jensen. Slow down.”
“No,” I shook my head and kept walking. “I’ve got to go.”
“I know you feel that way, but you’re here to replace me, and I’ve already made plans. I’m expected at the University of Toronto next week. I can’t stay.” He was breathing hard since he’d had to run to catch up with me.
“Neither can I.”
Brian examined my profile as we walked and remained silent for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. I doubted anything he could say would make me reconsider.
“Look, I know the BCR is a lot to take in,” Brian said. “My first week here was insane. And I knew what I was getting into. I can’t imagine being unprepared for any of this.”
I gave him a look that said you have no idea what I’ve been through.
“But you’ve done amazingly well. If you’re blaming yourself for what Luke got you into last night, you’re full of shit. That mess was Luke’s fault. Adam knows it. Noah knows it. Hell, even Luke knows he’s to blame.”
“I should have known Luke was bullshitting us. I’m not a stupid guy, Brian.” I shook my head. “Not usually. This place,” I looked up at the wide-open sky, gestured toward the stables and corrals. “This place makes my dick happy, but the BCR confuses the shit out of the rest of me.”
Brian nodded. “I know. You’re right. What if I said you’d get used to the place eventually?”
“I don’t know if I want to.”
“Yeah, okay.” He was quiet for a bit. Then he said, “You know, leaving is killing me.”
I eyed him. “Really? Then why are you?”
“Because the opportunity came up, and I should probably continue my education. I might not be able to do this for the rest of my life even if grooming ponyboys is my fucking dream job.”
