Isat in the darkness of my kitchen, at the island in the center of the room, reading on my Kindle. Reading was something I did when I became overstimulated or went completely blank when it came to drawing. I brought the glass of hot apple cinnamon tea mixed with honey and two cinnamon sticks to my lips. The warm liquid felt good against my throat. The stress of everything going on, including still attempting to plan this wedding, was starting to take a toll on me. On some nights when I couldn’t sleep I often came downstairs, brewed a glass of tea, pulled my Kindle out, and got lost in a story.
The light flicked on, causing my eyes to squint. I lifted my head and spun around on the bar stool I was sitting on.
Creed stood in the entrance of the kitchen looking surprised. His mouth started moving but I wasn’t focused enough to understand what he was saying. Lifting my hands, I prompted him to hold on before turning back around to put my aids back in. After attaching them and turning them on, I turned to face Creed again.
“Okay, now I can hear you,” I announced.
“I didn’t know you were still up.” He stepped further into the kitchen then around to the fridge, opening it and grabbing a bottle of water.
“Yeah I couldn’t sleep. Rome’s a light sleeper so I’m used to coming down here and reading when my mind is overloaded.” Using the ponytail holder on my wrist, I pulled my braids into a ponytail then wrapped it into a bun, tucking the end hairs to secure it. “I guess I could have stayed upstairs this time.” My hands ran over my bare thighs.
I had on soft sleep shorts and an oversized sweater. It had been two days since Creed took me out to dinner and since I hadn’t seen much of him. Although it turned sort of awkward toward the end, the overall night was good.
“I’m glad you’re up. I wanted to talk to you.” He stepped closer to the island and leaned over it, resting his forearms on it.
“About what?”
He pushed his sleeves up and his grip tightened on the water bottle. He stared at me with a conflicted look in his eyes before an easy smile slowly split his face.
“You’ve been locked inside your room or office the past couple days so I haven’t laid eyes on you. I wanted to apologize.”
“Apologize?” I asked in confusion, bunching my brows together.
He licked his lips then stood straight. “Oftentimes I get told I’m too blunt. In business it works out well, but outside of that people seem to take offense. While I meant everything I said the other night at dinner, I could have said it less like an asshole.” He stood up then stepped around the island, so he was now in front of me. “I’m not apologizing for what I said, but how I said it.”
I tucked the corner of my bottom lip into my mouth and nibbled on it. Hearing Creed critique my relationship had left me feeling some type of way. The sad part was I didn’t know if it wasbecause there was truth in his words or because I felt he was out of line.
“It’s fine.” I waved him off eventually. “Summer tells me the same thing all the time. When you’re the minority, you can’t always expect people to include you. Just because he doesn’t learn ASL doesn’t mean Rome doesn’t love me. He does other things to show me.” I thumbed the diamond tennis bracelet Rome had gotten me for our last anniversary. He ended up having to work the day of and had gotten me this as an apology.
“So it doesn’t bother you that your fiancé doesn’t think it’s important to learn how to communicate with you in every way? If you ever lose your hearing completely and signing is your only way to speak, how will the two of you even manage?”
“Why are you so worried about it?” I cocked my head back and turned my mouth upside down.
He was quiet for a second. His jaw ticked and his eyes bored into me intensely. “Rome’s whole life has been spent being catered to. My parents raised him to believe the world revolved around him and everyone should bow down to him. You’re a good woman, Nakyra. I’m not just saying that, I can tell you really love my brother and you compromise a lot to fit into his world. I just hate seeing the same gestures not being reciprocated. And maybe I’m projecting because my parents treated me like an afterthought, and from what it seems, so did yours. So again, maybe I feel like I can understand how you grew up to an extent. You dealt with it in your childhood because youhadto, as an adult there’s no need for you to. And minus all that, I don’t like seeing good women not being valued.”
“I guess…” I started quietly. My eyes dropped to the floor and I fumbled with my hands. “I guess since I grew up having to communicate with hearing people, I became adjusted to it all. The whole reason I got my aids was to be able to use my voice when needed. If I learned anything growing up how I did, it wasthat life isn’t fair and no one is obligated to cater to your needs just because you may be different from them. The world keeps spinning and isn’t going to stop because of one person. Without my hearing aids I can’t hear what someone’s saying. I can still read lips, I can use my hands, I’m good at picking up body language. I’ve learned to adapt to my situation and I do a good job with it.”
He didn’t look like he was completely happy with my words but he didn’t fight them. “I hear you and I’m not here to tell you how to handle your relationship. I’m just gonna ask if the shoe was on the other foot, would you learn?”
I stayed quiet because we both knew I would. “Since you feel this strongly, tell me why you’re single. You seem like a passionate guy, why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“Who says I don’t?” His head cocked to the side.
I blinked once then twice. “I assumed since you didn’t come here with a woman and haven’t mentioned anyone, you don’t.”
He smirked. “Me and my ex broke up a few months ago. We were together for two years, but in the end our differences were too much for us to keep ignoring. In the end we both agreed we weren’t meant to be and went our separate ways.”
I was quiet for a second, biting the inside of my cheek. “Did you love her?”
He nodded. “I did, I still do, but by the end of the relationship I realized I wasn’t in love with her anymore.”
I was curious what difference the couple could have had that caused a breakup. Creed seemed like a compromising guy so for whatever it was to be the breaking point must have been big.
“How do you say I’m sorry?” he questioned suddenly.
I lifted my head to stare him in the eye before lifting my hand and showing him the gesture.
“I am sorry,” he signed. “I’m not trying to hurt you.” He paused for a second and I realized he wanted me to sign it.
