“Well, wife, I believe you finally realized I’m not your enemy. At times some of my actions may be questionable, but it’s only because I know you can handle it. You’re not some soft woman that needs to be handled with kid gloves, yet at the same time you are.”
Lifting my eyes back to face him, I started to argue, but he held his hand up. “I don’t mean that you’re weak, but simply that you still have a lot to learn when it comes to allowing people to get close to you. Sometimes I see that wall breaking and you let me in, but then there’s still times where you’re guarded and ready to attack. Yet, I believe you’re starting to trust your husband and see that Iamon your side. You didn’t feel the need to run like you did in the beginning because now you’re more comfortable with bringingour babyinto the world knowing you’re not in this fight alone, but you have someone to fight alongside or even for you.”
My stomach ended up doing flips as the room suddenly became too hot. I tried not to be so open. I had been groomed to not wear my emotions on my sleeve but it seemed I had grown too comfortable around my husband, causing me to expose my feelings without any actions.
“Tell me I’m right?” He pressed, staring at me over the rim of his glass.
Swallowing hard, I jutted my chin upward as my heart pounded inside of me viciously. I had reservations about opening up to Nazai after what he did to me at the barn that day, but since then Nazai had shown me that I could be open with him and it wouldn’t be used against me. When I openly revealed what I did to my parents and why, he comforted me and brought me a security I hadn’t felt, ever.
Scraping my bottom lip with my teeth, I balled my fists on the table. My lungs threatened to fail as they took in air.
“In a way, I guess you are,” I finally admitted. “You helped me take care of Maddox and Neil. Your dad is helping me gain custody of my brother. You went to bat for me when it was clear your whole family didn’t approve of us.” My eyes lowered and my throat tightened. “I never had anyone do that for me before.” My words came out in a whisper. “No one ever defended me or stood up for me. I always had to be strong and the protector and I…” I inhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes, suddenly feeling pressure building behind my eyelids. “I didn’t want to go back to that. Ican’tgo back to that. I’ll never be the perfect submissive housewife, nor will I ever just bow down and do what I’m told.” That brought a smirk on Nazai’s face. “But you said that we were in this together, that you would take on my burdens, and I’m trying to believe that.”
My skin felt itchy and my muscles twitched. It felt like I had been cracked open for all to see as I spoke the truth. I had never experienced a relationship before Nazai and I didn’t even know how to have one but he didn’t seem to care. It was clear he liked how things between us were going. It wasn’t easy for me not to worry because growing up that was all I ever experienced. But being with Nazai showed me that maybe, justmaybe, those times were behind me.
The server came with our meals, halting the conversation, which I was grateful for. I didn’t like being so seen. My nerves were racing and my mind ran a million miles a minute. I needed something to distract me and help me stay grounded for the time being.
____
Nazai
I tabled the conversation when the food came, saying a quick prayer so the two of us could eat. I watched my wife, possibly more than most would deem normal, but I had learned things about her that gave her away in ways I wouldn’t have in the beginning. Right now it was clear she was uncomfortable. She hadn’t glanced toward me since the food had come out. Her body and movements were tense.
Renting out this restaurant and bringing her was mostly selfish. I didn’t want anyone else to have my wife’s attention but me. We had made major breakthroughs in the months we’d been married, but I still found there were some walls we still needed to climb, like her inability to express her love. Since being with her, I had heard her express it to Carson once and it was late at night when she went into his room to turn his TV down after he’d fallen asleep.
I wanted to tell her when we found out she was pregnant weeks back, but she wasn’t ready to hear it. What I felt for Cashlynn might surpass love, it was like I craved her, everything about her, from her smile, to her curses and anger. The crazy and impulsive side to the withering mess she became when my dick was buried deep inside her. I wanted it all to the point where I didn’t want her thoughts to be her own without me knowing them. My goal when we got married was to break and tame her, now it was to keep her. She still fought me. The pregnancy seemed to intensify that burning inside her, causing her to be more impatient than normal. She was also more sensitive than I’d even seen her too. I never knew which mood I would get nowadays.
“Cashlynn,” I called out toward the end of our meal.
Unhurriedly, her eyes lifted to meet mine. They were guarded and distant.
“Do you believe me when I say I don’t ever want to change you?”
Stiffly, she nodded, blinking slowly.
“And do you believe that no matter how much you fight it, I’m going to always push back to make you follow my lead?”
Again, she nodded, this time her eyes cut into slits, causing one corner of my mouth to rise.
“Then also believe that as long as there’s breath in my body, I will never allow you to fight any battle alone again. I don’t want a soft, compliant wife because there’s no fun in that. One of the main reasons I can’t get enough of you is because you challenge me and Ineverwant that to change. Any threat toward you? We’re handling that shit together because you know it turns me on to you see do your thing, baby.” I licked my lips and her cheeks flushed. “I know you’re not ready to say it, but I’m ready to tell you. I love you, probably fell in love with you the night of our wedding when I saw your blood coating my?—”
“Okay, I get it!” She cut me off with a flustered expression on her face, causing me to chortle. “And no one besides Carson ever told me they love me before, how do I know…” Her words trailed off and her eyes averted from mine.
“That it’s true?” Still, without looking, she nodded.
My heart tugged as I thought about the trauma my wife had experienced. It made me want to dig up her parents and kill them all over again, but this time slowly so they suffered.
“Because… even if you discount my words, then look at my actions. You know I don’t tell you shit I don’t mean, but if that’s not enough, then just watch me, baby. You think I be ready to go toe to toe with my family over just anyone?”
A smile tugged at her lips but she still refused to meet my eyes. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to say it back. What if I’m not even able to tell our child?” This time she did face me and fire burned in her orbs. Her mouth turned upside down and her nostrils flared.
“I don’t think that’ll be an issue. You’re stubborn as shit so I know you’ll be able to push past your hang-ups eventually, and until then, if hearing it from me is what you need to help, then I gotchu.”
Cashlynn released a heavy breath and fidgeted with her hands.
“Are we doing dessert this evening?” the server asked.
I looked toward Cashlynn for an answer but she shook her head. “Nah, we’re good. Just bring the check.”
