Stroking her cheek with my thumb, I pull her tighter to me. “You’re okay, Kat. I’ve got you, love.”
She heaves, pulling air into her lungs as fast as she can. “I’m sorry. It was just a bad dream.”
Staring deeply into her beautiful hazel eyes, I whisper, “It’s okay. I promise. Are you okay?”
Nodding, she takes a deep breath and says, “Yeah, I’m okay.” She gulps, then whispers, barely audible, “Thank you.”
Softly smiling at her, I lay my head down on the bed, right next to hers, with my face almost tucked into the crook of her neck.
My hand drops, and I drape my arm over her waist. “Do you have them often?”
I feel her shaking her head slightly. “No. But they are usually more frequent over the holidays.”
She sighs and leans her head into mine. “Growing up, I never really had this—a family to celebrate birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s. When I was a baby, I was left at a children’s advocacy center with nothing but a note to the workers there. I was put into the foster care system. It wasn’t all bad, you know? I had a few families that were really nice and tried to be there for me. But it never really felt like mine, like I belonged there. I always felt like I was intruding in their home. And when I turned eighteen, I aged out and was on my own. I met Nic, and he gave me a warm bed, food on the table, and a place to call home. Things moved fast. But he was my only support, my only family, and when he proposed, I didn’t hesitate; I said yes. We got married not even a year after we met.”
Guilt aches in my chest. For not seeing the pain she holds inside of her. For taking for granted the family that I have always had.
Thinking of Kat sitting in her room on her birthdays, on Christmas, wishing for everything that I have always had, slices me to the core. At least she had Nic eventually. But the way she talks about him has not always been the warmest.
I breathe her in and ask, “Are you happy? With Nic?”
Her breath freezes mid-inhale before she slowly releases it. “Honestly? No. I think I have been fooling myself for a long time, convincing myself that I am happy, that this is the life I always wanted. But it’s not. On the surface, yes, it’s perfect. He—wehave a huge house, luxury clothes and cars. We don’t really talk to each other, not deeply by any means. I don’t know if I could ever say that I know who Nic really is, and vice versa. He doesn’t put any value into what I love to do. Every plan I make, which I seldomly do, has to be made aroundhisplans,hislife. Which I used to understand because he is the one who makes all the money for us. He pays all of the bills. But that doesn’t mean that what I like to do, what I care about, means any less than his work.”
She sighs and continues, “When I started pointing that out to him, he brushed it off, called it stupid, and it was like a switch went off in my brain. It was impossible for me to see him, see us, as I used to. I saw all the ways he took pieces of me away over the years, whether intentionally or not. I had gotten lost in the fancy dresses, the comfort of knowing I had unlimited food and a bed to sleep in every night. I’d ignored the things he did or remarks he made. Because that was easier than being alone.”
The lump in my throat causes my eyes to well with tears as she finishes telling me about her relationship with Nic. I can’t imagine feeling comfort in a relationship where I didn’t feel loved or really wanted. She has stayed with him for so long because she feels like she has to. And that cuts my heart open in a whole new way.
Kat is so kind, sweet, and funny. She is beautiful in the morning when she wakes up with dried drool on her face and no makeup and when she is in a sexy red gown with her hair curled and a full face of makeup on. An image of the night I saw her flashes in my mind.
Every mannerism she has is utter perfection. How her eyes light up when she talks about painting, how her nose scrunches when she laughs, how her smile is contagious to everyone in a room.
She warrants love where she is an equal, cherished, and respected partner. She doesn’t deserve to ever feel lonely in a room with her partner. To go to bed wondering if the person next to her truly loves her. She deserves to know without a shadow of a doubt that her partner puts her first, that they care about her every thought and dream.
She deserves more than what Nic has and could ever give her.
I can’t help the thought that crosses my mind next.She deserves what I could give her.
Pulling back enough to turn her face to mine, I meet her eyes, my heart beating faster and faster as I stroke her cheek with my thumb. “Kat, you deserve to be loved more than that, better than that. You should be put on a fucking pedestal and worshipped. Not have your passions and yourself tossed aside and belittled.”
I don’t know when it happened, when our foreheads rolled together. The temperature between us is rising, the tension tightening.
My willpower all but disintegrates when her eyes fall to my lips. Her tongue wets her plump, parted lips, and a warm shiver runs down my back. She leans forward, and our noses touch. Her warm breath dances over my lips, pulling me into her.
I want to kiss her how she needs to be kissed. I want to run my fingers through her hair and pull her to me, our lips melding together. Parting her lips with my tongue, I want to taste her, tease her. I want it to be perfect, and she is worthy of waiting.
Whispering, my voice low, I say, “Kat, we should go downstairs. I’m starving.”
None of that was a lie. I am famished, but not particularly for breakfast.
Immediately, she pulls away with her eyes still locked on my lips. “Yeah, you’re right.” She slides off of the bed and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
Three movies. Five hours. Way too much popcorn, candy, and snacks. That sums up our annualSanta Clausemovie marathon. The reason that I am walking upstairs to wake Kat up from her nap.
The rest of the morning and early afternoon, things have been a little weird between us. After our almost kiss this morning, Kat seems to be avoiding me a little bit. But I hope that my secret surprise for her later will mend that weirdness between us.
Oliver is running a few errands for me and helping me bring my vision to life for Kat. I owe him big time.
Kat spent the morning helping my mom with some cleaning, and she even had a cup of coffee with my dad. She is getting along so well with all of my family. I hope they don’t get too attached to her. I would hate to see them hurt when all of this is over.
