Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I still haven’t told her that Katy and I broke up over a month ago. I couldn’t. My mom was so excited that I was finally bringing a girlfriend home for them to meet that I didn’t want to break her sweet, fragile heart. And she had a custom stocking made so that Katy wouldn’t feel left out since we all have one.
“Yeah, Mom, about th—”
“Oh my God! Scott, what are you doing?” She laughs obnoxiously. “Noelle, I have to go. Your dad just walked into the living room in a women’s sexy Santa costume. Love you, baby,” she says to me before she laughs again and hangs up.
Well, there goes my attempt at revealing the truth about Katy. My parents are fucking adorable though. Their love is one I have always aspired to have. They make each other laugh, and they are each other’s best friend.
It’s going to be a bit embarrassing, showing up without anyone tomorrow night. But I don’t really have a choice. I guess I can just tell them she dumped me before I was going to pick her up.
Muffin finishes her food, and I quickly wash the dish and put it on the drying rack for her breakfast. “Let’s go to bed.”
She follows me as I drag my feet to the bedroom and crawl under the covers. I set up my favorite thing to sleep to on the TV. I go to YouTube and click on the twenty-four-hour stream of a video of snow falling with soft Christmas music.
As I roll over and pet Muffin, who is snuggled under the covers with her head on her king-size pillow next to me, a light goes off in my brain like a star on a Christmas tree. And the most brilliant idea pops into my head.
I might be able to bring “Katy” to Christmas after all. But it might take some convincing. It looks like I’ll be taking a painting class tomorrow afternoon at my new favorite spot, The Bristle.
3
Kat
December 14
WAKING UP THIS MORNING, I feel better than normal, more relaxed. I can’t imagine it’s a coincidence that it’s also the first night I slept in bed without Nic in the home since we moved here. I didn’t have to wake up and make his breakfast, coffee, and lunch for the day.
It’s not like he ever really forced me to do it, but it was this silent battle between us when I didn’t. He would exude disappointment, and that has to be the feeling I hate the most in the world.
So, every morning, I wake up before him, make his coffee and breakfast, and have it ready on the counter before he walks into the kitchen. And by the time he is ready for the day, his lunch is packed and sitting next to his briefcase.
How long did I live in that fog?
A dark cloud where I didn’t even realize that almost all of my time washis. I don’t know if he was aware that he had shaped and molded me into his little pawn. Or maybe he did. Or maybe it was my incessant need to please him in fear of him leaving, of losing the only person I ever had.
But this life, this version of me,isn’tme. But pretending to be someone else and having this life with Nic seemed better than being alone again. But not anymore. I spent the better half of my life being alone. Even when I was in a home, I never had one that felt like family. And some that felt like prisons.
I might not make much, but I make enough to get a small apartment. And my boss has wanted me to move to full-time since I started. I just could never give them that much time because Nic needed me for different events, etc. But now,Ineed me, and that’s more important.
I don’t know if it was the good night’s sleep or the conversation with Noelle last night, but I feel empowered today—something I haven’t really felt much of lately. With this renewed feeling, I text my new friend.
Kat: Good morning. I hope you have a great day! :)
Last night, I might have overshared. But that’s what happens when everything has been bottled inside for so long. It all flies out with no control. But it was the greatest night I have had in years. I don’t remember a night where I smiled so much and meant it. I’ve lived with Nic for four years, and I have never felt more seen than I did last night with her.
After doing my morning skin care routine, I throw some light foundation and blush on with a little mascara and red lipstick to finish. Then, I get dressed, choosing a cream sweater, leggings, and knee-high, heeled taupe boots.
Grabbing my purse, I throw a banana in there and a few granola bars in case I want a snack during my morning classes. I have a full schedule today. I have hour-long classes starting at ten a.m. and running straight through to three p.m. with only about an hour gap between my morning and afternoon classes. Luckily, the cutest coffee shop is right next door, which is where I will be spending my lunch break.
Throwing on my red wool coat, I grab my mittens and walk out the front door. Immediately, I turn to Noelle’s house, unable to resist the urge to look her way in hopes of catching a glimpse of her.
I’m so thankful for our new friendship, but I couldn’t help but feel a slight energy between us last night. I don’t know if she felt it, too, but it’s nothing like I’ve ever felt before.
I’d dated women before I met Nic, but never anyone like Noelle. I’m not usually attracted to such femme females, but anyone, especially me, would make an exception for her.
Staring for a second longer, I walk to my Lexus and head to work. It’s a short drive—maybe five minutes on a good day, ten minutes with heavy traffic. But I always leave about forty-five minutes before my first class. I like to have everything ready when the clients come in.
All of our classes are registered and paid for online, which makes it easy on my end because then I just have to worry about checking them in and then the class itself.
